May
24
How do you Deal with Judgment?
By LeahI’ve loved all the conversations that have been started by last weeks post called Reclaiming the Word Freak!
I was inspired to make this short video to keep the conversation going! Please share your thoughts in the comments after watching it.
I hope you enjoy it!
(If you don’t see the video-refresh the page.)
Categories : Audio & Video, Clearing the Way
26 Comments
May 25th, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I think the key is, are you comfortable in your own skin and willing to be true to who you are? We can’t live out lives for other people. There’s a big, wide world out there — we’ll never please everyone. No matter what we do, some people will disapprove, some people will applaud, and the vast majority won’t care at all. Whether it’s flying your “freak flag”, or being a button-down Republican, the most important things it to be who you are, and live your own life — not someone else’s.
Thanks, Leah — good stuff!
May 25th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Hey Joan!
You are so right on with the idea that you can’t please everyone! Your best course of action is to please yourself.
Rock on!
Leah
May 25th, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I learned from a loving mentor in my life that other people’s opinions about me are none of my business. Also, I like to go back to Byron Katie’s “The Work”
The Four Questions
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought
You remember the old saying, “opinions are like a–holes… everybody’s got one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.”
Nancy Marmolejo´s last [type] ..In Search of Originality- Avoid These Overused Words
May 25th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Love it Nancy!
Thanks for bringing up Byron Katie’s The Work”. It is perfect for this conversation!
You Rock!
Leah
May 25th, 2011 at 7:14 pm
What do you think about the distinction between letting your freak flag fly and some things just being private? And, what if your freak flag gets in the way of you doing what you want to do because of other people’s judgments?
I’m totally on board the live your life for you train, and living in my own authenticity. That’s what I’m all about too. But, I also ponder the fact that we live in a social world, and how other people view and receive us has an impact.
Catherine Bruns´s last [type] ..You Asked- I Answer – Who Am I
May 26th, 2011 at 4:43 am
Hey Leah!
Great Video! I just posted about this myself yesterday- the energy that I’ve given to what I “think” others might or are thinking of me is crazy over the top! Well, not so much anymore although it still creeps in….Anyway…I have noticed that when I do fly my freak flag and follow my big, beautiful, kick-ass YES- it is contagious…not only do I feel amazing honoring me, others seem to gravitate towards me- or as in Law of Attraction- I’m attracting “my people”- It’s that obvious to me now that I can feel when I’m “on” and when I’m “off”- love this tool! Love being On!
I show up and feel so different when I’m flyin’ it! My body instantaniously messages me some sort of physical nudge and points me in the direction of feeling good- cause I’m committed to feeling no less then kick ass!
So I say, fly your colors and watch how your life opens up to some pretty amazing opportunities~ Blows me away! Thanks for this beautiful reminder Leah! This and a cup of my amazing coffee has just set a pretty sweet tone to this day- Hmmm wonder if it’s cause I’m expressing my own freaky deaky self (that I love)?
May 26th, 2011 at 8:53 am
Great video!
We have to remember that, even if we try, we can’t get everyone to like us. The greatest leaders in history (Gandhi, King, Jesus, Lincoln) were all killed by people who hated them because of their efforts to change the world. These leaders are still loved and admired by millions and continue to influence world events. But at the same time, they were so offensive to others that they were assassinated. So even the best and kindest souls couldn’t get everyone on their team. We won’t be able to either.
Since this is a reality, the question isn’t “will I offend someone if I let my freak flag fly?” The question is “who will be offended when I let my freak flag fly?” And “who will be inspired when I let my freak flag fly?” There will always be both groups. We can’t make them both happy and when we try, we usually end up failing to please either group.
David Rendall
The Freak Factor Guy
May 26th, 2011 at 11:17 am
Hi Catherine,
You bring up some interesting points.
I do think that there is a distinction between flying your freak flag and some things being private.
To me flying your freak flag means fully owning and embracing all parts of you, especially the parts that are different and not being afraid to fully express who you are in a way that feels good. It’s about owning who you are and releasing any shame or the feeling that you need to hide who you are
That being said, I think there is a time and place for everything and it all depends on how you feel and what you are wanting to put put there. For example, I’m part of the BDSM and Kink community and I like to wear leather, latex and corsets, but I don’t do it all the time because A)- its a lot of work and b) I don’t always feel like doing it. But in the right enviornment I’m not afraid to rock my kinky self in public and I’ll always talk about it if asked. I’m not ashamed of it and I feel free to express myself in that way when I want to.
SO- the right enviornment is important. I think this also relates to your second thought about living in a social world.
Yes…we do live in a social world, and how other people perceive us and receive us does have an impact if we let it. No one can stop me from flying my freak flag and being myself, because that is what feels right to me. I work to create the ideal enviornment for me and surround myself with the people who appreciate my my freakiness.
Sure some people may not like it, but I assure you….your right people will and it will be much easier for them to find you when you are flying your freak flag.
From an energetic perspective, the more you fully embody who you are, fully own your gifts( what makes you unique and different from all the rest), and love and accept all parts of you the clearer the signal you will be sending out into the Universe and the more it will attract the perfect people and situations into your life.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Leah
May 26th, 2011 at 11:22 am
Love it Beth!
May 26th, 2011 at 11:27 am
Hi Dave,
I really like your two questions.
“The question is “who will be offended when I let my freak flag fly?” And “who will be inspired when I let my freak flag fly?” There will always be both groups.”
I’m a big fan of focusing on the people who will be for you and what your offering. It feels much more expansive!
Thanks Dave!
May 26th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Hi,
We will always be judged by others whatever we say and whatever we do so we should do what we feel at peace with in ourself. Provided we reach out in love and don’t fall into the same trap of judging others we will accepted. If not pass on by!
Pam
May 26th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Leah, you ROCK!
I have kinda’ moved past “them and they”, but I still get stuck..
My biggest concern, frankly, is my husband. He is marginally supportive (specifically when I am making $$), but then gets uncomfortable and judgemental when I let it go and relax into my light. When I am there it is a beautiful thing and like, Beth – it get’s contagious…the more convergence I am with, the more tension there is…how do we separate it when it’s coming from ones closest to us?
PS – thanks for the share on the BDSM…;-)
May 26th, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Hi Pam….you got it!
May 26th, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Hi Marianne,
I do my best to recognize that the judgment is not about me, but rather a reflection of their own inner discourse.
I do my best to not become defensive and I hand it all back to the person doing the judging.Sometimes I might say_ I hear that this makes you uncomfortable, and I respect that, but it feels right to me and I would appreciate some support.”
The trick is to stay centered in your own desire and the idea that you aren’t responsible for how they feel or are reacting,and to not make them wrong for their feelings….but not to take them on either.
Rock on!
Leah
May 26th, 2011 at 1:59 pm
This is a tough one. We’re trained to please others (or at least us boomers were!), and especially those in authority (bosses, et al). I really appreciate “stay centered…you aren’t responsible for how they feel/react…not make them wrong for their feelings…” I find that if I look at it from a Zen perspective–be the water to their rock–you can flow through most any situation with the least amount of harm to yourself, the other person, or the universe. Cognitive behavioral techniques can be quite helpful–similar to The Work, but in a little more detail. a
May 26th, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Leah, the reason that I follow you is BECAUSE of your freak girl. Thank you for being out there and showing us the fun (which is about 90% of you, LOL) and the freak!!!
May 27th, 2011 at 6:53 am
Leah,
I used to be such a people pleaser. When I first started this journey, of being 100% me and living a life no less than Kick Ass, I was very concerned about all of my relationships. I don’t have that many and worried if I became my freaky self and love me, that the people in my life would somehow go away. I expressed my concerns to those closest to me. Now, I am finding much more fulfilling relationships with the people who were in my life and those just joining my life. I feel when you love your freaky self 100%, other people are attracted to that because you are real. We won’t make everyone happy but that’s okay because YOU will be happy. I am having fewer “bad” days now and am loving my unconventional life. I am entering job training to work from home while I get my education. I’m out to change the world one heart at a time. Let the freak flag fly!
Crystal
Crystal Dunn´s last [type] ..Hard work
May 27th, 2011 at 10:07 am
Love it! Whenever I coach a client who expresses concern about ‘them’ and what ‘they’ will think, I ask them to identify ‘them, they’. Usually it’s family and once we unpack the fear, it dissipates.
I’ve always been a freak but it was around my 20s when I realized that being cool meant just being myself, not trying to look or do ‘cool’. This was a huge relief.
Now I kinda like being my weird freak self in public. And I’m not even that freak. It’s fun and I know it gives others permission to be themselves.
I started Freak Friday with my freak friends and we have a blast. About once a month we meet and party and play and jam on drums and just get silly. It’s a certain type of creative person, no one who’s uncomfortable with others expressing themselves. Last time we started to write our freak theme song. Soon we’ll record it!
It’s important to be around other freaks so we’re encouraged to be ourselves, play and enjoy quirkiness.
Thanks for broaching this topic, Leah!
Cynthia Morris´s last [type] ..Juju Infusion- Unapologetic
May 27th, 2011 at 10:15 am
I want to hang out with you Cynthia! You sound fun! I 100% agree about being “cool” is to just be yourself and the more i fly my freak flag the easier it is for other people.
Now that I’m rocking out blue and purple in my hair people come up to me on the street and start talking to me about it. Lots of conversations are started that would have never happened before.
Rock on!
Leah
June 1st, 2011 at 9:22 pm
It has been a great time this past year learning to overcome my fear of rejection and judgement. However, it is even more recent that I have become comfortable with dressings, styling, behaving, laughing out loud, and generally living from a place of self-love.
I have been called a freak most of my life, or weird. It use to bother me. Now, eh, so what. I have a new understanding of freak and weird. It means simply that I am different, filled with passion and faith. So, freak me….
I am blessed every day with the resources I require to heal and travel this path. Strong women who can shine the light bright at the end of that tunnel lighting the entire tunnel.
Thank you, Leah for providing this type of insight for us.
Connie Kirkpatrick´s last [type] ..I Win!!!!
June 27th, 2011 at 7:28 am
Hey all,
Individualist through and through, here. I got detention in seventh grade for instituting a “tacky day” so people could dress up as crazily as they wanted. And in high school I won the award for most opinionated. I’m telling you this not to toot my own horn, simply to give you some background so that what I’m about to say doesn’t come off wrong…
Read the book “Generation Me” by Jean Twenge. She makes a bold argument that the reason this generation is so fucked up (i.e. depressed, apathetic, narcissistic, un-communicative) is because we’re so obsessed with being individuals that we’ve lost sight of how important it is to have a community. We’re so into loving ourselves that we’ve forgotten how to love others.
Now, I’m all for self-love. Being a “non-conformist granola hippy” or whatever stereotype you want to prescribe, I truly enjoy living differently. That being said, my relationships are what pull me through. What are the boundaries there? Is it more important to maintain a “freaky” sense of self or develop lasting friendships? Can you do both?
Thanks all. And thank you Leah for sparking such a relevant, nourishing conversation.
June 27th, 2011 at 7:46 am
Makenzie,
I believe you can wave your freaky self in the world AND have meaningful relationships. I think when you fully embrace who you are, others embrace you too.
Crystal
Crystal Dunn´s last [type] ..8 Reasons to Stay Positive in a Crisis.
June 27th, 2011 at 7:52 am
So, just read everybody else’s comments (I wrote a response to the video without reading everybody else, my bad). I want to say a couple of things, if that’s alright (I’m a complete novice at this whole blogging thing)…
Marianne, if you’re out there… “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,” Marianne Williamson (she’s even got you’re name). What that says to me is, when you’re shinning bright and true, people around you will either be inspired to do the same, or get really terrified and judge you. The later are simply scared, and while it may seem like they’re acting like shitheads, they simply don’t know how else to be. All that those fearful ones want is to shine brightly like you, but they can’t, because they’re standing in their own way. It might be a good stretch to let your light shine on their fear and offer some compassion to their position.
That being said, I’m one of the most fearful people I know. I’ve been through therapist after therapist trying to figure our the balance between being my self and burning bridges. But regardless, I can say (whatever my ridiculously stubborn opinion means…) that if you’re not living a life of self-love. you’re unhappy. Making yourself smaller just to meet other people at their level never works, it only perpetuates their drama. You are an amazing being, put on this earth to shine. Do so.
June 27th, 2011 at 8:05 am
Hi Mackenzie,
I don’t think maintaining a “freaky” sense of self has an impact on developing lasting friendships. I have many amazing friends, and to tell you the truth being my “freaky” self is what has attracted me to them and them to me. When you love and accept yourself it makes it so much easier to love and accept other people.
I will acknowledge that for many people there can be an aspect of being your “freaky” self IN SPITE of what other people say…as an act of rebellion and saying fuck you to society. But that is not what I’m talking about here. The energy behind that is not open and loving…it’s more confrontational and separating.
June 27th, 2011 at 8:06 am
Right on Crystal!
June 27th, 2011 at 8:13 am
Mackenzie-I think you bring up an interesting topic-being yourself and burning bridges. It is a common problem with the folks that i work with. They are afraid that if they let it rip and really be themselves, people aren’t going to like it and will “get off their bus” so to speak. The reality is that if you’ve been hiding you you are, and acting the way you think people want to you act in order to make them happy or comfortable, you probable will loose some people and burn some bridges once you start fully being yourself. Your relationships weren’t built on solid ground to begin with if you have to act differently for someone to like you. There will be a period of releasing where some people “get off the bus” but this is a blessing becasue it makes room for all the people who resonate with who you are to get on! I think my next blog post will be about this!