Back in the day I was miserable in my job, and my “exciting, fabulous life” was completely unsatisfying. I was having a major identity crisis and had no idea who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life.
On the surface it looked like I had it all. I had a job that paid well that I had lots of opportunities at. I had a nice apartment in the cool part of town. I was “somebody” in my social scene and I got VIP treatment at all the nightclubs and restaurants that I went to. I had a large circle of friends and there was always something to do.
It all felt so meaningless to me. I knew that there was something more out there for me, but I had no idea what it was. I felt unsatisfied, and this was a problem. It made me cranky, frustrated, and I liked to blame everyone else, especially at work, for my dissatisfaction. I was stressed out most of the time and I got sick a lot.
I had no idea what I wanted, I just knew that what I was living was not it.
How is it possible that I had no clue about what I wanted?
How could I not know what would bring satisfaction and meaning to my life?
I know that I’m not unique in having this problem. I hear similar stories from clients all the time.
I feel that I am meant for something more, but I am not sure what that is.
I am not sure what I want but I know that this is not “it”.
I want my life and work to be more meaningful, but I have no idea what that looks like.
How can everyone be so clueless around what would make them happy?
I think it all boils down to this:
We are not taught how to determine what would feel meaningful and make us happy.
We are actually taught the opposite.
We are taught how to; behave, do as we’re told, follow the rules, and like what we’re given.
And if you are like me, you spent a lot of time resisting this, but ultimately you learned that it was easier to play along and fit in.
You learn how to tune out the part of you that says “but I want this” and you half-heartedly embrace what you’re supposed to want.
BUT, there is always a part of you that is crying out for something more. Unfortunately, you get really good at ignoring it because it is too painful to hear.
The end result is that you hit your thirties and start to wonder “Is this it?” and a mid-life crisis is waiting for you right around the bend.
So….. what do you do?
How do you learn to tune into what really is meaningful to YOU and will make YOU happy?
Here are a few tips to get you started.
Start listening to the part of you that wants more from life. Give it permission to come forward and be heard.
Notice the parts of your life that feel bad to you. Get specific around what does not work for you. Then ask yourself what you would want instead.
Commit to looking for things that feel good and make you happy. Embrace them even if they’re unconventional and far from the norm.
Try these tips out and let me know what you discover in the comments below.
If you decide that you are tired of struggling with this on your own, send me an email by clicking here, to discuss how we can work together to get you clear on exactly what will bring more meaning and satisfaction to your life.
I was reading a blog post by Jonathan Fields the other day that talked about the discomfort of growing and expanding into the unknown, and being willing to be vulnerable and facing the fear and discomfort because he knows that he will be stepping more fully into himself on the other side.
It sounds like he is stepping more fully into his kick-ass dream life to me!
An interesting question came up in the comments of this post:
How do you discern the difference between the fear of moving forward into the new unfamiliar-yet-appropriate direction and the fear that’s trying to tell you, no, this isn’t right for you. I sometimes have a lot of difficulty telling these two fears apart and they often seem to be disguised as one another.
This question got me thinking……
How do you tell the difference?
On the surface they may appear to be the same thing, but if you take a real close look at them you can detect some differences between the two. They feel different in your body and you will find that the way it shows up in your inner dialogue will be different. Once you dig down into it, you will discover that they are rooted in two completely different places.
To me, the fear of moving forward into an unfamiliar- yet appropriate direction seems more ego driven, where as the fear that is trying to tell you that you are heading in the wrong direction is more intuition based.
The question is which one do you take more stock in?
I always trust my intuition. My ego is often full of shit so I like question what it is telling me
For example, when I examine it closely I see that my fear around moving into unfamiliar-yet appropriate territory is really more about the outcome or results. I feel it more in my head and neck. I am not sure what to do or expect, and I don’t want to make a mistake, or look stupid. Once I get clear about what I am really afraid of, it is so much easier for me to move through it.
On the other hand, if my fear is my intuition telling me I am heading in the wrong direction, I feel it in my core and have a sense of being held back. I am unsure if I should move forward, and find myself very unwilling to take action. I am dragging my feet. I find that it is best to wait a while and gather more information, or test the waters very slowly.
In my mind, the best way to deal with fear is to meet it head on and get up close and personal with it.
The thing is that most people do not want to cozy up and get intimate with their fear. They’d rather look at it from across the room or ignore it completely. That is why it has so much power over you!
If you want to grow and expand more fully into yourself and your kick-ass dream life, you are going to have to learn how to deal with your fear, and to get familiar with what it’s trying to tell you. It is your unexamined fear that has power over you. You need to stand up to it and look down deep into the depth of it to see what is really going on for you if you want any chance of effectively moving forward. This involves self-inquiry and being willing to sit with the discomfort that you are feeling.
I would love to hear your thoughts about dealing with your fear in the comments down below.
If fear is something that you struggle with, my new e-book The 3 Steps to Kicking Fear’s Ass can help! I break down my 3 steps for moving through your fear and provide you with all the tools you need to dig down deep into your fear and see what is really going on. I also tell you how to replace your fear with something that will help you propel you forward towards your kick-ass dream. You can learn more here.
Is Fear Holding You Back? Here’s a Solution!
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I am proud to announce that The 3 Steps to Kicking Fears Ass is ready!
Woo-hoo! High Five!
This e-book is my solution for you if you are finding yourself tripped up by fear when you are going after your kick-as dream life.
I created this e-book because fear is hands down the biggest obstacle that I see for my clients. It is often disguised as something else like; self-doubt, worry, overwhelm, anxiety, or confusion. When you dig down into it you discover that it is really fear lurking about trying to protect you by keeping you small.
The question is: How do you move past it?
I lay out my three steps for doing this in the e-book.
Here is a preview:
1. Acknowledge your fear and call it out for what it is. Fear feels bad, so our tendency is to ignore it, call it something else, or blame something outside of ourselves for it. You don’t want to own it because it makes you feel vulnerable and you don’t want to deal with it. Trust me, ignoring it is not helping any. Acknowledge and own it, then you will be better positioned to deal with it. (Ok….I have to acknowledge that sometimes fear can be exciting and thrilling….but then it really isn’t a problem, is it?)
2. Explore your fear and shine the light of awareness on it. Know what you are dealing with. Go deep into it. In most cases, you fear only has power over you because it is unexamined. In many cases it is based on something that falls apart when you look closely at it. In other cases, it is something that goes much deeper than you originally thought. You need to identify exactly what you are afraid of to effectively move past it.
3. Replace the fear with thoughts about what you really want. Now that you know what you are dealing with and are feeling more empowered, it is important to shift your focus onto what you want so the fear gets muscled out of the way. You are the boss of your thoughts. Focus on how freakin’ awesome it is going to feel to be living the life that your fear is trying to keep you from. Amplify that energy every day. Next thing you know you will be living that life for real.
Now in the e-book there is plenty of discussion around fear and how to work each of these steps to move past it. There are questions that you can ask yourself to help get to the heart of the matter and I share the same tools with you that I offer my private clients. I have seen amazing results in my own life and with my clients with this process.
If The 3 Steps to Kicking Fear’s Ass is just what you have been waiting for, go snatch up your copy now. I have it listed at an introductory low price that will go up on September 25. Click here to get your copy now!
How to get out of and stay out of panic mode
By · CommentsDo you ever find yourself thrown into panic mode because you are trying really hard and doing everything that you can think of, but things still are not turning out as you planned?
I see this frequently with my clients, and I admit I fall into this trap sometimes myself. Usually it goes something like this: You have made the commitment to create your kick-ass dream life and you are diligently creating your own healing /coaching business. You are making some progress, but you feel like things have come to a standstill. You start wondering what you are doing wrong and you kick it into high gear and start working more hours, trying to figure out what you can DO to create more business and opportunities. The money is not flowing in as you would like, and you start to panic a bit.
You have no idea what the problem is, and failure is not an option. You keep pushing forward but it is all starting to feel a bit crappy and not so kick-ass!
What do you do?
Do you keep pushing forward?
After all, you are in-it-to-win-it. You are determined to make this work and you figure that eventually something has to give.
Eventually something will give, and it will probably be your health, or your sanity.
The solution to your problem is not working harder, more hours, or your ability to figure it out and push on through, even though that is what most people believe. This idea is one big ole’ pre-packaged belief. It is built up on the idea that you need to work really hard in order to justify having the things that you want, and it carries around with it an underlying message that if you can’t make it happen, there MUST be something wrong with you.
Just so you know, this is a bunch of crap!
Sure, hard work and determination are wonderful, as long as it is moving you in the right direction. When it is not you find yourself working really hard and not getting the results that you want, and feeling like there is something wrong with you because you can’t seem to make it work. You also tend to end up way off course because you start trying things out of desperation that are not in alignment with you dream and the results that you get are far from what you desire.
Are you familiar with that feeling?
The solution is to stop pushing and trying to make something happen, and to take a step back and calmly evaluate the situation to determine where you might be blocking yourself, or are out of alignment with your dream. Rather than doing more and pushing harder, I suggest that you take a break and go have some fun and get tapped back into how you want to feel in your life. Then evaluate the situation to see where you are off course. Once you have a clear picture of where you are and where you want to be, it will be easier to make some new choices and take some inspired actions to get you back on track move you towards your dream. It’s all about stepping back and fine tuning your process so that you get the results that you desire without panicking and going way off course.
Below I share some tips for doing this.
1. As soon as you start to feel frustrated and stuck, and you have the urge to do more and work harder, take a break and walk away from the problem for a bit. Go do something fun. (After all, your kick-ass dream life is full of fun and ease isn’t’ it?)
2. Spend a few minutes reconnecting to your vision of what you want to create, allow yourself to really feel it.
3. Consider these questions: Am I attached to my dream unfolding a certain way? What are 10 other ways that I can go about achieving this same outcome?
4. Notice what is showing up. If it is not what you desire, how are you resonating enough with this result to attract it to you? What do you need to shift?
5. Think about how you want things to unfold and how you want to feel during the process.
Try out these tips next time you feel stuck and start telling yourself that you need to hunker down and make things happen and let me know how they work for you in the comments below..
If you are ready to banish working in panic mode form your life for good, send me an email to request a 30 minute Breakthrough session. This session is my gift to you. During this session we will identify how to easily get you back on course and keep you there. Click here to send me an email to set up your session today.
Something interesting happened last week.
I noticed that I was I was trying too hard to “get it right” and I was feeling the pressure to “make something happen” in my business.
Do you ever feel that way?
I felt like part of this was the funky energy that has been swirling around in the Universe the past few weeks, but I also recognized that I was somehow out of alignment with what I wanted to create.
How did I know this?
Because shit kept showing up that was so not working for me and I was not getting the results that I was looking for.
Being the wise women that I am, I know that I somehow attracted these undesirable results, and it was my job to identify what was out of alignment and shift it.
And that is exactly what I did. In 3 days time I went from feeling pressured and having to make-something-happen, to feeling in the flow and kick-ass
Do you want to know how I did it?
I looked at what was showing up that did not work for me, identified how I was resonating with it, and I re-wrote my story to reflect what I wanted to be experiencing. Within three days everything had shifted and I was once again aligned with everything kick-ass in my life.
The magic of it all is that you can do this too when you feel like you are not getting the results that you are looking for.
Let me break it down for you.
First off, you need to take a step back and take a good look at what is going on.
Whatever you are experiencing is a direct manifestation of the energy that you are embodying. Do your best to get a clear perspective on what exactly is showing up that you are not wanting. This is valuable information and will give you insight into where you are not resonating with what you want and how you can shift it.
For example, one situation that kept showing up was that people said that they wanted to work with me, but they did not have any money.
I asked myself: “How am I resonating with this conversation?”
When I thought about it, I realized that I was holding onto a story that said money was tight and people did not have any to spend on creating their kick-ass dream life right now. I often talked about this “reality” with friends and colleges.
This story was totally out of alignment with what I wanted. Believing this story made me feel like I had to work harder and figure out a way to overcome this obstacle. It made me play a much smaller game than I wanted to play. It did not feel good to me and I felt like I had to DO something to make something happen.
In my kick-ass dream life, I help people who are already committed to going after their kick-ass dream, and they want some help navigating the obstacles. They are in-it-to-win-it and recognize the value of working with me and joyfully pay me for my services.
I needed to re-write my story and step back into the big game I wanted to play.
First , I consciously re-wrote my story to say: Everyday there are thousands of people who are investing money in their kick-ass dream life. Right now, there are hundreds of people who are on the path to living their kick-ass dream life who eagerly await the opportunity to work with me and will joyfully pay me my full fee.
Then I set out to collect evidence that people were spending money on personal growth and happiness. It went something like this:
I frequently spend money on my own personal growth and happiness.
I often meet other women who invest in themselves.
Right now there are thousands of people who invest in themselves every day.
Matter of fact, right now there are many people who would welcome the opportunity to invest their money in my services. There is a history of people doing just that.
(Now I am feeling better! )
I decide to spend some the day looking for evidence of people spending money on their happiness and living their kick-ass dream life.
I noticed the women who spend money on Zumba classes, a fancy car, shopping for new cloths, and whatever else that I can find that supports the idea that people are spending money on their kick-ass dream lives.
Soon I could feel my energy shifting and I was back in the flow.
You know what?
It worked, the next conversation I had with someone resulted in them hiring me! There was no talk about lack of money. This person is an ideal client and the whole conversation was effortless.
Where are you feeling that you are not getting the results that you want and you have to really push to make things happen?
Try re-writing your story and see what happens! Share your results down below in the comments.
If you find yourself having a hard time with this process and are ready to stop pushing so hard for the results that you desire, send me an email by clicking here, and apply for a Breakthrough Session. During this 30 minute session I will help you identify where you are getting hung up and create a clear strategy for being free of it.
