Archive for breaking the box
Embracing Your Freakiness and Making Money Too
Posted by: | CommentsHere is an awesome guest post from one of the co-founder’s of the Freak Revolution.They are experts at embracing what makes them different, creating connections, and living a life that totally rocks!
I hope that you enjoy it.
I’m Kyeli, and I am a freak.
I’m gay, I’m a witch, I’m polyamorous, I’m fat, I’m covered in
tattoos, I’m a geek, I unschool my son, I have piercings, I’m a
writer, and I’m an entrepreneur. Oh! And I’m leading a revolution.
I’ve been persecuted for each flavor and for all flavors of my
freakitude. I’ve lost friends and family. I spent over a decade
hiding in the closet, trying desperately to appear normal, to be
something I’m not – to be many things I’m not. But in the end, the
lying and the self-deception proved too much for me, and I burst out
of all those closets and ran wild.
Figuratively. I’m not much of a literal runner.
Bursting out of all those closets was actually a very slow, gradual
process. I had to do a lot of self-work and discovery before I could
even crack the door, let alone start being open and loud about it.
But slowly, gradually, I got more and more secure in myself which
allowed me to get more and more secure in being out.
Now I’m out all over the place. My labels are all loudly proclaimed
in all my online profiles. I quit my desk job that was eating my soul
and started my own business with my lovely wife and cohort, Pace.
(She’s even more freaky than me!)
How do we make any money, being so freaky?
We’re open. We’re honest. We reach out to people and make
connections. We make time for people. We talk about our lives and
our journeys. And we focus on other freaky people.
If you’re freaky – even if you’re just a little freaky – you don’t
want someone who won’t understand you helping you. We can’t connect
with people we have nothing in common with, no matter our intentions.
So we open ourselves up and reach out to others like us, in some way
or another, so we can connect and help and make a living doing what we
love.
But I think the biggest secret is the most simple thing: we really care.
We really care about people.
We really care about helping.
We really care about connection, about self-growth, about making the
world a better and more loving place.
When you pour your heart into your work, people notice. When you fly
your freak flag, your right people will turn up – and your wrong
people will turn away. Stepping fully into yourself is the surest way
to success, no matter your path.
Bio:
Kyeli is the co-leader of the Freak Revolution (alongside her
wife, Pace), a community of passionate world-changers with alternative
lifestyles and more importantly, alternative mindsets. The two of them
are passionate about changing the world in ways that foster connection
over control, authenticity over conformity, and love over fear. They
have just released 52 Weeks to Awesome, a 52-week long course with one easy-to-implement mission
per week to help you be even more awesome!
Hiding Who You Are is Not the Answer
Posted by: | CommentsI just got off the phone with a really cool chick named Ginger Burr. She has a business called Total Image Consultants . We were having a great conversation about some of the pre-packaged advice that is often given to the freaky people who are looking for jobs. One thing we were discussing was how it is often suggested that you cover your tattoos and remove your piercings when you go out on a job interview.
There is a big flaw in this advice.
It suggests that you hide who you are in order to fit into that business’s idea of what you should look like in order to work there.
So…what happens if you actually get the job?
Then you are set up to continue hiding who you are for the duration of the time that you work there. Maybe after a few weeks you put your piercings back in, let your tattoo’s peek out, or dye your hair blue again, at the risk of getting reprimanded. The end result is you not being able to show up fully while you are at work. You will always be hiding something, and that does not feel very good.
I have a different idea.
How about you look for a job where they accept you, freakiness and all?
These jobs are out there. You just have to look for them.
Imagine working in a place where you can be YOU, where they welcome your diversity, and you are allowed to show up fully every day.
What would that be like?
How much more creative would you be if you thought that your unique perspective was welcomed there?
How fun and cool would it be to work with a bunch of people who got you, and you did not have to hide parts of yourself from.
Imagine what you would create together!
(Ginger and I will be discussing this stuff further on March 9th when she appears as a guest on Defy the Box Radio.)
Is There One Right Way to Live?
Posted by: | CommentsAn extremely common pre-packaged belief is that there is a right way and a wrong way to live. It‘s thought that all people should discover this and agree upon it, and then that right way of living should be enforced.
What the F@#*%?
This idea is crazy for a number of reasons. The biggest being that we are all different, and what makes you happy and is the right way for you to live, might feel completely wrong to me.
But we do continue to force our ideas onto each other. This happens on so many different levels.
Religion is the first to come to mind.
Different countries have different ideas about the best way to run things.
You can see this same thing happening in the different states as they work through ideas about gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana.
Growing up, children are impacted by their parent’s ideas about how to raise them and how they should live. How they should dress, and speak and behave. Factor in the school system and your culture and there are lots of rules and expectations around what RIGHT LIVING looks like.
This is the main reason why there are so many people who feel like freaks and outsiders in this world. They are living their lives according to someone else’s ideas about what right living looks like. When you try to cram yourself into something that is not designed with you in mind, it feels yucky.
Is there one right way to live?
NO WAY!
There are as many ways to live as there are people. It would benefit us all to embrace that idea and live it.
I want you to think about this for a minute.
What does your ‘right way’ to live look like ?
To Offend or Not Offend, That is the Question
Posted by: | CommentsThe past few days I have been caught up in an ongoing mental swirl around whether or not I should tone down my message and the way I deliver it.
Why was I considering this?
In order to appeal to a broader audience.
In order to be more accessible.
In order not to offend people.
I was offered the opportunity to host Defy the Box Radio to a much larger audience than I am now. A well established website for women contacted me and said they were interested in my edgy perspective and the Defy the Box message was appealing to them. When I checked out the site and the other shows they offered I liked what I saw, but thought that they might be a bit too ‘vanillia’ for me. I suggested that they check out the past episodes of my show to see if they thought I would be a good fit. When we spoke again I was told that they liked my message and would love to have me, but I would need to tone things down a bit so that I do not offend anyone on the site.
MMMMM…….tone down my message, huh?
My first reaction was NO WAY, but then I started questioning myself.
I do want to expand my audience, and I am doing my best to expand my business.
Am I missing out on an opportunity by saying no?? Am I being a responsible business owner ?
Just thinking about toning myself down makes me feel restricted and unsettled. It makes me doubt myself.
This is not the way I want to feel.
When it comes right down to it, I do not like the idea of restricting myself in any way. The idea of toning down my message and my delivery of it is not appealing at all.
What I am really being asked to do is to adjust my behavior so that I ‘fit in’ to a particular box.
And I have to acknowledge that I was almost buying into the story that says you need to tone yourself down in order to appeal to a large audience, and offending people is bad. I was starting to flip – flop and was beginning to think that maybe it was a good idea to tone things down a bit so that I would be more accessible to the mainstream.
Then I called my friend Kelle and had a great conversation about speaking in your authentic voice, and who I really wanted to reach out to, and was I actually going to miss out on an opportunity here? Kelle is really good at helping me stay on track, and she reminded me that if you are not offending someone…you are not doing your job right. Thanks Kelle!
I mean, look at Howard Stern. Many people find him obnoxious and offensive but they still listen. He has a strong voice and perspective and is not afraid to stand out. His audience loves him.
When it comes right down to it, my ‘toning it down’ would not be in alignment with the message of Defy the Box.
What kind of example would I be if I was not letting my freak flag fly high and proud?
The reality is that I am a rabble rouser.
I am intentionally trying to stir things up, and make people question the ideas and beliefs that they have been living by.
That can be very offensive to many people.
It makes them uncomfortable. In response to the discomfort, they make me, or my message, wrong rather than looking inside themselves to discover the real reason they are feeling uncomfortable. ( It’s not really about me at all.)
It’s OK…I do my best not to take this personally. 
So…do I tone things down???
NO WAY!
Wheww….that feels so much better.
The Freak Factor
Posted by: | CommentsI am still thinking about this week’s Defy the Box Radio Show. I had a great conversation with Dave Rendall about his manifesto called:
The Freak Factor : Discovering Uniqueness by Flaunting Weakness. ( Download it and read it!)
When I first read this I was very impressed. It resonated with the core message behind Defy the Box.
Let your Freak Flag Fly in order to enjoy great meaning and success.
I can’t stress this point enough…… It’s OK to be different, and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to stop making yourself wrong and trying to stuff yourself into the “Box” that society is trying to cram you into. It is a waste of your time and energy, and it just doesn’t feel very good. You would be better served by embracing these “problems” that other folks think you have and finding an environment that supports them.
I can’t stress how important it is to create the right environment and find the right people to surround you. You are not necessarily born into it. Sometimes you need to go out and create it. I think that accepting yourself helps a lot with this. The way you feel about yourself and what makes you different directly affects who and what you attract in to your experience.
For example, when I had Kali from the Kink Academy on DTB radio, we talked about authentic sexuality and the importance of accepting and feeling good about your desires. If you feel that your kinky desires are bad, then you tend to attract a person into your experience who feels that you are bad for wanting those things…..which in turn feeds your feelings of being bad. When you embrace your desires and feel good about them, you will attract people in to your experience who are down with them too, and you can enjoy some fun and feel good about it.
Is there anything about you that you are tired of trying to fix?
What would happen if you embraced it ?
You can listen you the Freak Factor episode here:
