Archive for Stretching Yourself
My deepest fears revealed.
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I was reading Chris Guillebeau’s blog over at The Art of Non-Conformity and this really got me thinking:
The reasons we fail to begin are frequently cited as: time, money, or something else external.
The reasons we actually fail to begin are often: fear, inertia, or something else internal.
It’s socially acceptable to blame our indecisiveness on a lack of resources. Everyone understands when you say you’re waiting for a change in situation before beginning. But in fact, it’s relatively easy to deal with the lack of resources. What’s harder is taking the first, critical steps toward overcoming the internal obstacles. The act of beginning something is powerful. Putting words to page, setting an unbreakable date on the calendar, making a firm commitment.
Back in the day when I was all caught up in my uninspiring, unsatisfying pre-packaged life, I had a million reasons why I had to stay at my job, and not make the changes necessary to break free and pursue my kick-ass dream life. I rarely allowed myself the time and space to imagine what would be better or what exactly my kick-ass dream life looked like.
There were too many reasons to stay put:
I had bills to pay, and responsibilities to attend to.
I did not have enough money.
I was too exhausted after work and did not have the time or energy for it.
I just needed to get through the holidays and then I could consider something different.
The reality was that I was very afraid, and I did not want to admit that, or examine it too closely, so I hid behind all the common excuses that people use to not move forward and change things in their lives, and I continued to be miserable.
Now when I look back it is easy to see what my deepest fears were:
Not knowing how to go about getting what I wanted.
Making a mistake.
I wanted change but I was afraid of it as well.
All the scary Unknown factors.
The biggest fear of them all was that I could not do it. What if I failed and everyone laughed at me for even trying?
I am wondering what is really hiding behind all your reasons and excuses for not going after your kick-ass dream life right now?
I can speak from my experience with my own life, and working with clients, once you begin to examine these things and shine the light of awareness on them, it is often easier that you ever dreamed of to move past them.
I think Chris is right on the money when he says: “It’s socially acceptable to blame our indecisiveness on a lack of resources. Everyone understands when you say you’re waiting for a change in situation before beginning. But in fact, it’s relatively easy to deal with the lack of resources.”
I am going to be bold here and talk about the excuse of not having enough money to invest in yourself and creating your dream life.
This is one thing I know to be true: Being uninspired, unhappy, and unsatisfied is an expensive habit.
It takes a lot of resources to fill that void that you are feeling when you are living in this place! Think about all the money you spend on things to make you feel better…….retail therapy, too much food, drinks, toys and gadgets, self help books, and other quick fixes. This is why we consume so much in this country! People are trying to feel better, or that they are enough….you need these things in order to feel good.
What if you felt good without having to buy anything? That is what living your kick-ass dream life can do for you.
I will say that the best money I have ever spent was investing in myself & my dreams. It has paid for itself 100 times over in so many different ways.
So, all excuses aside………..how can you start stepping into your kick-ass dream life today?
If you want help with this, sign up for The CRASH Course and I will walk you through it. ( I know I am selling something here but it is a really helpful program that will lead you right into your happy place.)
Is There One Right Way to Live?
Posted by: | CommentsAn extremely common pre-packaged belief is that there is a right way and a wrong way to live. It‘s thought that all people should discover this and agree upon it, and then that right way of living should be enforced.
What the F@#*%?
This idea is crazy for a number of reasons. The biggest being that we are all different, and what makes you happy and is the right way for you to live, might feel completely wrong to me.
But we do continue to force our ideas onto each other. This happens on so many different levels.
Religion is the first to come to mind.
Different countries have different ideas about the best way to run things.
You can see this same thing happening in the different states as they work through ideas about gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana.
Growing up, children are impacted by their parent’s ideas about how to raise them and how they should live. How they should dress, and speak and behave. Factor in the school system and your culture and there are lots of rules and expectations around what RIGHT LIVING looks like.
This is the main reason why there are so many people who feel like freaks and outsiders in this world. They are living their lives according to someone else’s ideas about what right living looks like. When you try to cram yourself into something that is not designed with you in mind, it feels yucky.
Is there one right way to live?
NO WAY!
There are as many ways to live as there are people. It would benefit us all to embrace that idea and live it.
I want you to think about this for a minute.
What does your ‘right way’ to live look like ?
To Offend or Not Offend, That is the Question
Posted by: | CommentsThe past few days I have been caught up in an ongoing mental swirl around whether or not I should tone down my message and the way I deliver it.
Why was I considering this?
In order to appeal to a broader audience.
In order to be more accessible.
In order not to offend people.
I was offered the opportunity to host Defy the Box Radio to a much larger audience than I am now. A well established website for women contacted me and said they were interested in my edgy perspective and the Defy the Box message was appealing to them. When I checked out the site and the other shows they offered I liked what I saw, but thought that they might be a bit too ‘vanillia’ for me. I suggested that they check out the past episodes of my show to see if they thought I would be a good fit. When we spoke again I was told that they liked my message and would love to have me, but I would need to tone things down a bit so that I do not offend anyone on the site.
MMMMM…….tone down my message, huh?
My first reaction was NO WAY, but then I started questioning myself.
I do want to expand my audience, and I am doing my best to expand my business.
Am I missing out on an opportunity by saying no?? Am I being a responsible business owner ?
Just thinking about toning myself down makes me feel restricted and unsettled. It makes me doubt myself.
This is not the way I want to feel.
When it comes right down to it, I do not like the idea of restricting myself in any way. The idea of toning down my message and my delivery of it is not appealing at all.
What I am really being asked to do is to adjust my behavior so that I ‘fit in’ to a particular box.
And I have to acknowledge that I was almost buying into the story that says you need to tone yourself down in order to appeal to a large audience, and offending people is bad. I was starting to flip – flop and was beginning to think that maybe it was a good idea to tone things down a bit so that I would be more accessible to the mainstream.
Then I called my friend Kelle and had a great conversation about speaking in your authentic voice, and who I really wanted to reach out to, and was I actually going to miss out on an opportunity here? Kelle is really good at helping me stay on track, and she reminded me that if you are not offending someone…you are not doing your job right. Thanks Kelle!
I mean, look at Howard Stern. Many people find him obnoxious and offensive but they still listen. He has a strong voice and perspective and is not afraid to stand out. His audience loves him.
When it comes right down to it, my ‘toning it down’ would not be in alignment with the message of Defy the Box.
What kind of example would I be if I was not letting my freak flag fly high and proud?
The reality is that I am a rabble rouser.
I am intentionally trying to stir things up, and make people question the ideas and beliefs that they have been living by.
That can be very offensive to many people.
It makes them uncomfortable. In response to the discomfort, they make me, or my message, wrong rather than looking inside themselves to discover the real reason they are feeling uncomfortable. ( It’s not really about me at all.)
It’s OK…I do my best not to take this personally. 
So…do I tone things down???
NO WAY!
Wheww….that feels so much better.
More of this please…….Amplification Friday
Posted by: | Comments
The most powerful way to create change and to bring more JUICY GOODNESS into your life is to practice appreciation.
When you appreciate anything, you are sending a strong signal to the Universe saying:I want more of this please.
Appreciation is a simple thing, but it tends to get lost in our busy day…or gets pushed out the way by a tendency to focus on what we do not like and what is not working.
So, I have created Amplification Friday to encourage you to take a moment out of your day and think about all the yummy and satisfying moments from your week.
It can be anything that you want more of…..it does not have to be something nice and sweet…it can be down right dirty…as long at it feels good to you and you want more of it in your life.( I often spend time appreciating my big black boots, and how fun it is to
go to the Kink Academy…and the fact that there even is a place like that.)
I would certainly suggest appreciating the people in your life and all the things that you are wanting more of in the future.
It is also really cool to bask a bit in appreciation of yourself and how freaking awesome you are.
The more time you spend basking in the good feeling thoughts, the stronger you make that vibration…the more good stuff you attract back to you. ( That’s how this shit works.)
Remember that Pleasure = Juicy Goodness !
Once you identify the things you are appreciating, take few moments to really bask in the good feelings that they bring. By doing this you are amplifying the energy of them and sending a strong signal out into the Universe say “more of this Please!”
I invite you to share what you are appreciating below.
Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I was reading a post on the Freak Revolution blog and it really sounded familiar to me.
It reminded me of my own story.
About 8 years ago I was working in a restaurant and miserable. There are some differences between me and the “pie-fucker” that they are describing. I did not work at Chili’s and I did not suck at my job, but the misery was one and the same.
In my case, I worked at a high end steak house and was actually very good at my job, BUT I was miserable and pretty bitchy most of the time.
I felt trapped.
I wanted out but I had bills to pay. I was making 2 or 3 times as much money as I could as a new consular or therapist.
Besides, I did not really want to work mucking around in people’s problems. I knew that I wanted to do something along the lines of helping people, but I also was used to a certain standard of living. I felt stuck and did not see many options.
So, I sucked it up and stayed at the job I hated and bitched and moaned and complained about how awful it was.
I spent a lot of time looking for something to make me feel better. I went out for drinks most nights and partied a lot. When I was home alone, I always had the TV or the computer on…..sometimes both at the same time. I was trying to tune out that part of me that was crying out for something different. Deep down inside I knew that my life could be different….that this could not be it…..but I was not sure what exactly it was that I was looking for.
Strangely enough, I would catch a glimpse of it every now and then. I would come across a stranger who seemed “shiny” to me and they would have a special sparkle in their eyes. You could tell that their life did not suck.
All I knew was that I wanted some of what they had.
I had to break free of the miserable, meaningless life I was living. I got to the point where it was no longer ‘OK’ to remain at a job that I hated.
I wanted to like my job.
I wanted to enjoy my life and be inspired by it.
I decided to set off on a course of exploration and I did a bunch of thing I had never done. One of those things was to go to Burning Man. In a strange moment of displaced clarity I decide to follow my heart and become a life coach.
Was it scary?
YES!
Did I take a Risk?
You Bet!
I also doubted my choice a hundred times over, but in the end I am certain it was the best thing I ever did.
My life feels good to me now.
I am that ‘shiny’ person with the twinkle in her eye.
You know what?
I gets better and better every day.
