What are you, crazy or something?

You can’t do that!

Who do you think you are???

You will be a laughing stock if you do that !

There is no support from the people around you.  They just don’t get it and it seems risky to them.

It is really easy to begin to doubt yourself because you are coming up against so much negativity and resistance. In many cases it is easier to make yourself wrong than go against what everyone else thinks. So, you give up your “crazy” idea and jump back into the stream of mediocrity.

The problem is that does not last very long…you may still doubt yourself, but there is no denying that you crave something different and  you won’t  satisfied until you find it.

So how do you overcome the self doubt?

How do you learn to trust yourself even when everyone else thinks you are crazy?

This is where learning to tune into your intuition comes in handy. We all know what’s right for ourselves deep down inside. You just need to learn how to listen, and trust it over what someone else says to you.

This is the challenge. Learning to trust yourself and what you know to be true for you over what everyone else around you is saying.

The reality is that you are unique and having a unique experience. No one else knows what it’s like to be you. (Even if they think they do). You are the only one who knows where your happiness and satisfaction can be found.

I am wondering if you know how you access your intuition?

Since I suspect that a lot of you might wonder the same thing, I figured I would share my answer with you here.

“OK I have a major question about this! Sometimes life is not all peaches and roses.Sometimes we have to do stuff that sucks. After reading the first article about “what are you avoiding” and then contrasting it with this article, I’m confused. So you’re supposed to do what feels good… and not what feels bad. So if I don’t like my job, and I don’t like going on interviews and I don’t want to be self employed – all of that makes me anxious and stressed – but I do like eating junk food and watching tv because they are fun and feel good, then how exactly would I be on the right track by following what feels good? Obviously in the long run I’m going down a bad path. Soon I’ll be fat and broke and that doesn’t feel good either. Then what? “When do we “feel the fear and do it anyway” (even though it feels bad)?  When do we have to say “suck it up princess” and do the hard work even though it feels bad?  How do you know?”

You are right, life isn’t all peaches and roses and sometimes you have do things that scare you and that suck.

The questions is, do they suck on a long term basis…like a job you can’t stand that you feel trapped in…or a bad relationship…or an awful roommate situation, or are they things that scare you and suck on a short term basis….like going to the dentist or a job interview.

We all get scared, and it is good to learn how to move through that fear and “do it anyway” as long as “doing it” will bring you closer to a desired outcome. (This is when you would “feel the fear and do it anyway”).

I can compare it to getting a tattoo. You know it is going to hurt and it is scary to think about the hour you are going to be sitting there with little needles sticking into you over and over again, but the end result is some beautiful new ink that will decorate your body for the rest of your life so in my eyes it is well worth it.

Maybe you want to compare it to looking for a new job. Going on interviews suck and is scary, but the end result is that you get an awesome new job that you love to go to.

On the other hand, if going to my sucky job everyday feels bad and I hate it, I have to ask myself why am I doing it?

Why is it OK for me to be working a job that I can’t stand?

It is not necessary to suffer through a crappy job. There are always other possibilities and things you can do to make the situation feel better to you.

Staying in a sucky job is not so much about the money part, although that is the reason people say they do it.

What I ussually find with my clients is that it  covers up a belief that you cannot get anything better, or it is the way work is supposed to be, or there are no other options. You do not expect anything different, so you settle for what you get.

If “suck it up princess” means to ignore the part of you that is crying out for something more and to settle with what you got, I say no way.

As far as following what feels good goes…if eating junk food and watching TV feels good that’s cool, as long as you are not doing it to avoid and tune out from something else.

I like to eat nachos and watch American Idol but that is not every night all night. I am not avoiding anything by doing it and it is adding to my pleasure.

When I talk about doing what feels good, I am suggesting that you follow what brings you happiness and meaning.
Sometimes eating junk food and watching TV is exactly what you need to chill out. Then it gets boring and you go do something else that is more stimulating that you want to do.

I have a few times recently.

I want to put out there that I am not typically an anxious person.
I am not a worrier. So it was strange for me to wake up with this.

My mind was swirling with anxiety around money, and not doing enough in my business,
and not doing everything I can to promote my classes. A whole series of swirling
thoughts around how I am going to lose my house, and I was fucking everything up.

It felt awful……like my world was going to collapse around me at any minute. There was lots of pressure and a sinking swirling feeling in my stomach.

My mind became full of all kinds of things that I should do right then in order
to save myself from impending disaster. I wanted to spring into action…..mind you it was 4 AM….
Not really the time for taking action in my book. Besides, there was a driving feeling of
desperation behind my actions…and I do not want to do anything from that place.

As lay there, unable to sleep and my mind swirling around, I realized that this feeling
was familiar. I have had it before in my life, every now and again. When I would wake up in it,
I would attach it to whatever big thing was going on in my life at the time. Whatever I was
afraid of losing. This time the story just happened to be around money.

This energy monster  can be tricky. It tries to convince me that I am in
danger….that am about to lose it all. It is easy to fall into the fear and believe
that it is true.  It is easy to lay there in the fearful, anxious mental swirl, unable
to sleep and worrying about what is to come.

As I lay there caught up in the fear, it was easy to create a powerful story
around not having enough money, and being on the verge of ruin.

But that is not the story that I want to live.

I chose a fun, meaningful, prosperous life.

So what did I do to scare this late night monster away?

I acknowledge that this feeling is there without attaching a story to it.

“ I see & feel you lurking about and waking me up ! I don’t know what
you are, but I am not going to fall into your trap.”

Then I do my best to distract myself into a better feeling place.
The other night that looked like this:

.Then I decided to read a bit of a book for a while until I was sleepy .

That did the trick…the monster crawled off into the night and I was able to fall
asleep again. I woke up feeling refreshed, energized, and I actually had some new
found clarity around something that I had been pondering lately.

The trick is not to fall into the monster’s trap. Don’t buy into the negative
energy and get caught up in the swirl and begin to attach a story to explain
why you are feeling that way. Let the energy be without explaining it.
Don’t feed it with a name, and a story and all the reasons why it is there. 
Do acknowledge it, but chose to focus your attention somewhere else.
Chose some better feeling thoughts.

Chose the “Good Reality”.

I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.

For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.

The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.

I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.

This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.

Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.

Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.

Do you see where I am going with this?

I have another idea for you to try.

What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you  decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?

What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping  a behavior, or taking something away?

What would that look like for you?

Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.

Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?

Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.

Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.

Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.

As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.

It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.

What would you rather have more of?

If you want to play with this idea further, join in and play Amplification Friday with us every Friday on the Defy the Box Fan page on Facebook.

The reality is that we are always telling the Universe what we want, but usually
we are doing it in an unconscious manner.  I suggest that for the coming year
you make a commitment to doing it more consciously. You will be amazed at the results!
I feel that the best way to do this is by paying attention to what you are focusing
your attention on. If you want to be a super star at this, you will also do your
best to be conscious of what you are thinking about. Luckily, we have the ability
to control where we focus our attention, although I will be the first to admit that
it takes some effort and practice to do this.

When I go about setting intentions for the New Year, I take some time to reflect
on the past year.I find it easier to know where I want to go,
if I acknowledge where I have been.

Looking Back
As I look back over the past year, I take note of what has happened in my
business and personal life. I look at my relationships, money, my connection
to myself, and my health.
I ask myself these questions:
What has expanded?
Where have I grown?
What did not work for me?  (What would be better?)
What would I like to be different?
What am I feeling good about?
What do I want more of?
What can I let go of?

Stick to the Facts
If you choose to do this yourself, I highly recommend keeping focused on
the simple factual answers to the questions, rather than the story around
why something did not work, or how it stopped you from being happy or
successful. The story is just the story and will not help you in setting
your intentions for the New Year.  

Re-Focus Your Attention
When you ask yourself “What did not work for me? “, write the answers down
and then leave space to answer this question: “ What would be better?” .   
When you answer the question “What would be better?” you are automatically
re-focusing your attention on what you DO want, rather than what you don’t want.
This re-focusing of your attention and energy is a powerful step in consciously
telling the Universe for what you want.

Amplifying the Energy
After I have finished reflecting on the past year, I take note of what I want
more of, what worked for me, and what would be better, and I imagine what it
would look like if I had all of those things in my life.

I play the Wouldn’t It Be Cool Game which goes something like this:

Wouldn’t it be cool if I had a long list of people who eagerly signed
up for all my classes and could not wait to work with me one-on-one so
that I could support them in really identifying the stories that stand in
the way of their success?
Wouldn’t it be cool if I discovered a cool, affordable, relaxed
space where I could hold workshops and events?

Usually, after asking myself these questions,I need a break. Some eggnog
seems like a good choice right about now! This is also the perfect time for
some fun and shenanigans.Once you are feeling refreshed you can get back to
creating your intentions.

To be continued………