Archive for Stretching Yourself
What To Do When They Drive You F@%$ Crazy?
Posted by: | CommentsWe all have experienced this.
There is someone who you can’t stand and who drives you crazy in your personal or work life.
Every time you see them you bristle up and get aggravated. It is like they are purposefully trying to piss you off and you think they are totally full of shit. They do the same stupid stuff over and over again. You can’t believe that they act this way, and you feel powerless to change things.
These people come in many different disguises. Sometimes it is your boss or co-worker. Other times it hits close to home and is a family member…..maybe even your parents.
The thing they have in common is that they make part of your life suck, and you feel like you have to put up with it because of the place that they hold in your life. (This situation could be describing your job or relationship too.)
So, what do you do about it?
How can you make it better?
I am going to tell you but you might not like it.
The best way to make this situation better is to spend some time focusing your attention on what you appreciate and like about the person…or job….or relationship.
I know this may sound crazy and maybe even impossible since this person really has no redeeming qualities, but try it anyway and see what happens.
Sit down and make a list of everything that you feel that person is good at, and what you appreciate about them. Maybe they are a snappy dresser, they always have your favorite candy on their desk, or they are a fun drunk. Even if you are really stretching to find something, go ahead and make the effort to do it. The more positive aspects of this person, or situation, that you can find, the faster things will shift for you. You want to shift the energy by focusing on what feels good to you about this person or situation. Spend some time everyday focusing on this list of positive aspects to amplify the energy of it.
Next, take a step back and stop making them wrong for their behavior. If someone does the same ‘shit’ over and over again it is more likely that that is just the way they do things, and if you stopped viewing it as wrong, you would be able to find a way make it work. It is only “shit” because it is not the same way you do things.
Don’t you hate when someone makes you wrong for simply being you? I think it sucks when someone does it to me.
You know what…it is all good.
Everyone is different.
The better you get at going with the flow and the faster you learn to stop making people wrong, the easier life will be. The fastest way to life sucking less is to learn to see people as they are without making them wrong, and learning how to adapt to different peoples styles of interacting and relating. The only behavior that you can really change is your own. You have 100% control over it. So, why not learn to adjust how you respond to stuff?
Ok…I know that this idea might get you riled up. If you are really having trouble with it, send me an email or give me a call and I can talk you through it.
This Sucks! How do I make it better ?
Posted by: | CommentsEvery subject is really two subjects: What you want and the absence of what you want.
Which one are you focusing on?
Most people find that it is easier to focus on whats absent, what is wrong and what needs to be fixed.
Why is that?
It seems easier to do because that is what you are used to doing.
It is your habit.
Just because it is your habit, does not mean it is the most effective way of creating a life that rocks.
It actually works against you.
By focusing on what is missing, you are giving lots of attention and energy to it. You are basically amplifying the energy of what you do not want and telling the Universe to give you more of it.
This is why when you focus on your problems they get bigger.
But,with a bit of effort, anyone can learn to shift their focus to what they want.
It is as simple as asking yourself “what would be better” when faced with an undesirable situation.
Or noticing what you appreciate about something.
This is especially powerful if you are currently experiencing something that sucks.
The best way to “make it better” is to make a list of everything you appreciate about the sucky situation/person/place/thing.
I know that this can be a bit of a stretch but go ahead and do it anyway.
You have to get the positive vibes flowing before anything good can happen.
Then focus on the solution.
Ask yourself how you want the situation to be.
“what would be better??”
This will not only shift your energy and make you feel better in the moment, but it also creates space for something more desirable to show up.
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Thoughts on Hedonism
Posted by: | CommentsI have been thinking about the way people respond to the concept of hedonism. On one hand, I know that hedonism is only a word, and as most words, it means different things to different people.
This is the definition of hedonism that I am looking at.
Hedonism:
1.seeking of pleasure
a devotion, especially a self-indulgent one, to pleasure and happiness as a way of life.
On the other hand, I am interested to know how you all respond to the concept of the pursuit of happiness and pleasure.
I see such a wide variety of reactions when I talk about being a hedonist.Some folks say whoo-hoo…I am right there with you and other folks look at me like I am dirty and too self-indulgent.
I look at it like this. I am on this earth to experience all the juicy goodness that is available to me. I am a creative being, and I am also the source of my experience in life. I am here to tap into what feels good to me, brings me joy, and to express my own unique perspective to the rest of the world.
The best way to do this is to focus on what feel good to me and to follow it where it leads me. That is where I am going to find the most satisfaction, success and meaning in my life.
To this end, I am committed to feeling good and I take full responsibility for my own happiness.
I am committed to feeling good and being happy….which ussually leads me to something pleasurable if I let it.
When I feel happy and joyful…..I experiences pleasure.
The it can work the other way too…when I am eating Coffee Oreo ice cream from JP Licks …I feel pleasure at how yummy and delicious it is…and it adds to my happiness. ( unless I begin to tell myself I should not be eating ice cream….but that is a different story)
When I am enjoying some sweet loving with my man….I feel immense pleasure…and the deepest blissful ecstatic connection to source energy that I know of.
So from my perspective…the pursuit of happiness and pleasure is a good thing.
Hedonism is where it is at!
What are your thoughts about this???
A Hedonist Adventure
Posted by: | CommentsHow to bring more juicy goodness into your life.
Many of the people that I work with feel like their lives suck in one way or another.
* they can’t stand their job
* feel overwhelmed in their business
* their relationship is stagnant,
* they are just plain old bored and uninspired.
They are sick and tired of doing the same dull shit everyday.
They are tired of struggling to achieve the success that they know is out there…. somewhere…..waiting for them.
(they think it is)
They hope it is!
They are dying for some fun, meaning, and satisfaction in their lives.
Juicy Goodness! That’s what they want!
In order to get to the juicy goodness you need to start identifying what feels good to you and what you want more of.
It is a big process of exploration. Curiosity is key!
I send my clients on a Hedonists Adventure. This adventure has two parts.
The first part is all about discovery.
Take note of all the things that are currently in your life that:
• Feel good
• Already work
• You want more of
• Makes you smile
The second part is all about exploration.
Go check out all the things that you think might interest you. Especially the things that you feel like you are not supposed to be interested in! Read books, join groups, go new places, look on the web. Challenge yourself to push past your usual boundaries and take a peek into the world you were always curious about.
As you begin to explore these things, notice how it feels to you. If you get a big “Yes…I want more of this” go for it! If you get “ No…not digging it so much” move on to something else. This adventure is all about discovering what feels good and increases your happiness.
This adventure is guaranteed to give you plenty of food for thought and to identify a few different things you might like to try on for size in your career and personal life.
How do your do that with out risking everything?
Most people are not in the position to quit their job and start all over.
Life Experiments is the answer. Want to know more ??
Tune in to Defy the Box radio on Tuesday Sept 22 at 9 Pm and listen to Allan Bacon and I discuss how to try on different careers without quitting your day job.
How to Kick Self-Doubts Ass
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I woke up feeling panicked and thinking that I am total fraud in my business.
All I could think about was all the stuff that I have not done yet!
Why the hell am I not finished with those programs that I am working on!
I suck man!!!!
I am a total lazy slacker!!
What the Fuck??
Am I really good enough to pull this Empire thing off?
Do I even know what I am talking about?
I am not sure what sets this off, but it happens every so often. I get caught up in a swirl of DOUBT. Boy does it feel like crap. It is certainly not the Juicy Goodness that I like to be swimming in. Feeling this way can totally wreak my day…but mostly it makes me feel like I need something outside of myself in order to be good enough to succeed. This is usually the state of mind that I am in when I sign up for a tele-class that I do not really need or want, or buy a book that I will never read.
My self-doubt leads me to looking to other folks for the answers and buying something I do not need.
Do you do this too?
It is lucky for both of us that I have come back to my senses and I can offer up a few comments and practices to keep self-doubt tied up in the basement where it belongs. And…you don’t have to sign up or buy anything to get it
.
Here are my thoughts on self-doubt and what to do about it:
Most of the time, when I doubt myself, I am really noticing a something in my life or business that is ready to expand and get taken up a notch.
The problem is that I am so used to thinking of myself as ‘needing improvement’, I automatically focus my attention on what is missing and how I am somehow lacking. It is kind of like a default setting. I have done lots of work to get rid of this thought pattern, but sometimes it still sneaks in there. Thankfully I notice right away and do a few tricks to put it back in the basement.
When I come up against the places in my business and life that feel like they are not where I am wanting them to be, rather than make myself wrong, it is an opportunity to ask myself “What would be better?”.
Our lives and businesses are ever expanding and growing things. It is very common to be moving forward and learning new things and feeling really great about where things are going and how they are developing, then…. BAM….we hit the wall and we begin to feel like we are not doing enough, or are not good enough. That is an indication that it is time to focus on the next bit of expansion and to further expand into your brilliance.
The key is to remember that we never get it all done. There is always more to do, to know, or some technique to improve upon. It is noticing these places that need improvement that prompts us to expand further into our expertise. But typically, you get caught up in what is lacking or what is not working, and it is a downward energetic spiral from there. Next thing you know you are doubting yourself.
So…what do you do about it???
First: Embrace the idea that you never get it done. There will always be something more to learn and expand upon. Stop trying to make everything perfect.
Second: Embrace the idea that there is no “Perfection”. We do not get to a place where we are Perfect in our career’s (or life) and do not need to do anymore work. I think if you did allow yourself to sit in one place for very long you would get bored really fast and things would become stagnant. Looking to know more and become more skilled is the fastest path to becoming a master of your craft and an expert in your given field. Keep on growing, exploring and being curious about how you can take things up a notch.
Third: learn to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished and how far you have come. This is the tricky part for most folks! I know it is for me. I am really good at identifying what would be better, but I have to remind myself to appreciate and celebrate all that I have done already.
Something that helps me with this is a daily appreciation practice. Every day, take time to notice and write down at least 3 things that you appreciate about yourself…what you have accomplished…what you want more of.
Write down what is working for you.
Celebrate yourself and how much of a Rock Star you really are!
You can also take it a step farther and focus some energy on where you want things to expand to…Like “wouldn’t it be cool if _________ happened”, or ” Wouldn’t it be cool if I easily did________”
Tell the Universe what you want more of! Give it some directions around what would feel good to you.
Finally: Know that you deserve and can have all the success (or whatever else)that you desire. You Rock…and you deserve everything that you want. Remind yourself of that by doing the appreciation practice mentioned above. These simple practices can change your world!
If you are still finding yourself caught up in the cycle of self –doubt,give me a call and I can teach you some more tricks for kicking it to the curb.
