Archive for Stretching Yourself
How to Kick Self-Doubts Ass
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I woke up feeling panicked and thinking that I am total fraud in my business.
All I could think about was all the stuff that I have not done yet!
Why the hell am I not finished with those programs that I am working on!
I suck man!!!!
I am a total lazy slacker!!
What the Fuck??
Am I really good enough to pull this Empire thing off?
Do I even know what I am talking about?
I am not sure what sets this off, but it happens every so often. I get caught up in a swirl of DOUBT. Boy does it feel like crap. It is certainly not the Juicy Goodness that I like to be swimming in. Feeling this way can totally wreak my day…but mostly it makes me feel like I need something outside of myself in order to be good enough to succeed. This is usually the state of mind that I am in when I sign up for a tele-class that I do not really need or want, or buy a book that I will never read.
My self-doubt leads me to looking to other folks for the answers and buying something I do not need.
Do you do this too?
It is lucky for both of us that I have come back to my senses and I can offer up a few comments and practices to keep self-doubt tied up in the basement where it belongs. And…you don’t have to sign up or buy anything to get it
.
Here are my thoughts on self-doubt and what to do about it:
Most of the time, when I doubt myself, I am really noticing a something in my life or business that is ready to expand and get taken up a notch.
The problem is that I am so used to thinking of myself as ‘needing improvement’, I automatically focus my attention on what is missing and how I am somehow lacking. It is kind of like a default setting. I have done lots of work to get rid of this thought pattern, but sometimes it still sneaks in there. Thankfully I notice right away and do a few tricks to put it back in the basement.
When I come up against the places in my business and life that feel like they are not where I am wanting them to be, rather than make myself wrong, it is an opportunity to ask myself “What would be better?”.
Our lives and businesses are ever expanding and growing things. It is very common to be moving forward and learning new things and feeling really great about where things are going and how they are developing, then…. BAM….we hit the wall and we begin to feel like we are not doing enough, or are not good enough. That is an indication that it is time to focus on the next bit of expansion and to further expand into your brilliance.
The key is to remember that we never get it all done. There is always more to do, to know, or some technique to improve upon. It is noticing these places that need improvement that prompts us to expand further into our expertise. But typically, you get caught up in what is lacking or what is not working, and it is a downward energetic spiral from there. Next thing you know you are doubting yourself.
So…what do you do about it???
First: Embrace the idea that you never get it done. There will always be something more to learn and expand upon. Stop trying to make everything perfect.
Second: Embrace the idea that there is no “Perfection”. We do not get to a place where we are Perfect in our career’s (or life) and do not need to do anymore work. I think if you did allow yourself to sit in one place for very long you would get bored really fast and things would become stagnant. Looking to know more and become more skilled is the fastest path to becoming a master of your craft and an expert in your given field. Keep on growing, exploring and being curious about how you can take things up a notch.
Third: learn to give yourself credit for what you have accomplished and how far you have come. This is the tricky part for most folks! I know it is for me. I am really good at identifying what would be better, but I have to remind myself to appreciate and celebrate all that I have done already.
Something that helps me with this is a daily appreciation practice. Every day, take time to notice and write down at least 3 things that you appreciate about yourself…what you have accomplished…what you want more of.
Write down what is working for you.
Celebrate yourself and how much of a Rock Star you really are!
You can also take it a step farther and focus some energy on where you want things to expand to…Like “wouldn’t it be cool if _________ happened”, or ” Wouldn’t it be cool if I easily did________”
Tell the Universe what you want more of! Give it some directions around what would feel good to you.
Finally: Know that you deserve and can have all the success (or whatever else)that you desire. You Rock…and you deserve everything that you want. Remind yourself of that by doing the appreciation practice mentioned above. These simple practices can change your world!
If you are still finding yourself caught up in the cycle of self –doubt,give me a call and I can teach you some more tricks for kicking it to the curb.
Why Do I Want the Relationship I Want ?
Posted by: | CommentsThink about what you want in a relationship and why you want it. Look for those around you who are experiencing good relationships, and feel appreciation for them. Make lists of the positive aspects of those you have spent time with. . . . In fact, one of the fastest ways to make your way to a wonderful relationship is to find any subject that consistently feels good, and focus on that even if it has nothing to do with relationships.
— Abraham-Hicks
I found that this really works.
When I began to recognize that my romantic relationships were not working for me, I was not sure what a healthy, satisfying relationship looked like. I had been doing my best up until then and was not getting the results I was looking for. It knew that I wanted something different in my relationships, but I was not sure what that looked like.
I began noticing the things I liked and appreciated in my friends relationships. I paid attention to how J & J were each other’s biggest fans, and how this other couple I knew left each other love notes and chocolate. I saw that J & A had “Date night” and made a point to really connect even when life was busy. I began to get clearer on exactly what I wanted in a relationship and who I wanted to be in that relationship.
I also began to practice appreciating the things I liked about my friends, male and female. This was the most powerful thing that I could have done. It brought so much joy, satisfaction, and connection into my experience!
Suddenly, I was seeing so many positive aspects of the people around me.
I will out myself here: I used to be someone who would focus on the things that she did not like or want in order to change them…rather than seeing what she did want more of. On one hand my life was always growing and expanding, but on the other hand, I was not finding meaning or satisfaction anywhere. This simple process changed everything!
You can apply this to every kind of relationship that you have:Romantic, business, friends, family, and even to a stranger on the street. The simple act of focusing on the positive aspects of something allows you to expand your expereince and find much more meaning, satisfaction and joy in everything you do.
Why All This Sex Talk ?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you have been following Defy the Box radio, you will see that sex and sexuality is a big topic for discussion there right now.A few folks have been asking why I feel it is important to talk about this in the context of my business.
This is the basis of what I am hearing: “Isn’t sexuality a bit personal??? You are not supposed to bring it into your business! It gives the wrong impression!”
This is exactly WHY I find it important to talk about sexuality.
In my mind, sex and sexuality are the one of the main areas where people are confined by their pre-packaged beliefs and stories around what is “right and wrong” and “good and bad”. It is topic that can easily create low vibrational feelings of doubt, shame,fear and guilt. When the reality is, when I am fully accepting and embracing my sexuality, it leads to the most amazing feelings of joy,bliss and expansion that I have ever known. To me there is lots of personal power there.
I remember when I was about 8 years old. I was just begining to really discover my body and how good it could make me feel. My family was not religious, but I liked to go to church with my friend and sing during the service with her. I remember one sermon in particular that said that the feelings I was having in my body were evil and bad and I should not touch myself or even think about that. I could not believe what I was hearing ! It was confusing and scary. I did not want to be evil, but I also somehow knew in my heart that my natural feeling were OK. So I did not let that stop me from enjoying myself.
For many people, this is not the case. They begin to doubt themselves and their natural feelings and urges, and make themselves wrong for having them.In my mind, this is one of the worse things you can do. You are basically tuning out your inner-guidance system…or as I like to say..you are tuning out your Inner-Freak. You begin to ignore the part of you that knows what feels good to you, and what will bring you the most joy and bliss. This does not only apply to your sexuality, it applies to all areas of your life. Your Inner-Freak knows what makes you special and unique in all areas of your life. It is what makes you stand out from the crowd in all your brilliant juicy goodness. It is where your true magic and power lies. Once you begin to shut it out, you lose touch with it and it gets harder and harder to access.
I also find that when you are constantly ignoring your desires and making them wrong,weather we are talking about a sexual desire or a desire for something in your life, it makes you feel bad about yourself. Like there is some dirty little secret that must stay hidden no matter what the cost. This takes up so much energy that could be used for something else, like creating a life that ROCKS!
Let me assure you, that most people have something about themselves that they feel needs to stay hidden because it is so flawed that no one will want them after they see it. I am quit certain that if you feel good about it, then you will attract other folks who feel good about it too. if you feel bad and shameful about it, you will attract other folks who will make you feel bad and shameful about it too.
Its your world. You attract people and things into it based on your feelings and thoughts about things. If you fully embrace and feel good about who you are and what you desire, then you will attract people and things that reflect that back to you.
If you embrace and accept your Inner-Freak, you will find your true magic and power!
If you are curious to explore authentic sexuality, Join us on Tuesday night, 8/25, at 9 PM EST on Defy the Box radio. My guest is Kali from the Kink Academy and we will be discussing the importance of embracing all parts of your kinky bad-ass self. http://www.DefytheBox.com/defy-the-box-radio
Your Story: Love It or Ditch It !
Posted by: | CommentsOne of my superstar clients came to me wanting support in building her business. She had reached a point where she felt bogged down and the joy was going out out of it for her. It was begining to feel a lot like WORK! Work she did not want to do. She found herself doing things she did not enjoy because she thought she “had to” do them.
Once we dug down into it, I uncovered a story that she was carrying that said in order to be successful in business, you had to be very serious and work hard. She had to MAKE everything happen and figure it all out. She was following a plan of action that did not feel very good to her.
Now, this superstar is a fun loving gal. Part of the reason she started her own business was so that she could enjoy herself and have the freedom to do what she wanted. As we explored the different stories she held about what success meant and looked like, and how you got there, it became apparent that her story was not in alignment with her desire.
She felt hemmed in and limited by what she thought she was supposed to do. This story took the joy out of everything.
It also took her out of alignment with her vision of how she wanted her business to be and she was not making the money that she desired.
Are you wondering what we did about it?
We ditched her old story about what she had to do in order to be successful and wrote a new one. In this superstar’s new story, her success easily grew out of her enjoyment of her work and it was fun and easy. We identified the different components of her business that felt good to her and were already working. I had her identify the things she really enjoyed doing and wanted to do more of. We focused on the fun and what was already bringing results.
We also identified the parts of her business that felt forced and were not working. If we could not find a way to make them fun we ditched them or found someone else to take care of it. When we were done she was already seeing things take off.
The biggest improvement was that she was enjoying it again! Things were opening up for her and she felt good! This new story was really working.
I am curious to know if any of you have places in your life or your business where you are feeling bogged down and are not getting the results that you want.
Do you know what your story is around it?
Thought for the Day: You Ask With Your Desire
Posted by: | CommentsLaw of Attraction abounds, and when it is said to you, “Ask, and it is given,” there is no more powerful statement that is at the basis of what makes things happen than that. Now, how is it that you think you ask? With your words? The Universe doesn’t hear your words. You ask with your desire. The desire that is born out of the contrast. That desire. That wanting. That’s what summons the Life Force.
— Abraham
Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks workshop in Seattle, WA on Sunday, June 21st, 1998 #191
Your desire is key!
This is why it is so important to train yourself to shift your focus from what you are seeing that you do not want, to what you would rather have.
Most people get caught up in focusing their attention on what they do not like about something, or what is not working. They talk about it, and complain about it how it should be differant. This is actually doing the opposite of what they want. Complaining amplifies the energy of what you do not want because you are focusing your attetion on it.
When faced with something that you do not want, allow yourself to focus on what would be better or what you feel like the solution might be. Allow your desire for something different be the energy you are sending out to the Universe.
Your desire is powerful stuff!
