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An Unconventional Way to Create Change
Posted by: | CommentsHow do you go about creating change in your life?
I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.
For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.
The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.
This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.
Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.
Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.
Do you see where I am going with this?
I have another idea for you to try.
What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?
What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping a behavior, or taking something away?
What would that look like for you?
Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.
Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?
Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.
Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.
Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.
As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.
It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.
What would you rather have more of?
If you want to play with this idea further, join in and play Amplification Friday with us every Friday on the Defy the Box Fan page on Facebook.
This Sucks! How do I make it better ?
Posted by: | CommentsEvery subject is really two subjects: What you want and the absence of what you want.
Which one are you focusing on?
Most people find that it is easier to focus on whats absent, what is wrong and what needs to be fixed.
Why is that?
It seems easier to do because that is what you are used to doing.
It is your habit.
Just because it is your habit, does not mean it is the most effective way of creating a life that rocks.
It actually works against you.
By focusing on what is missing, you are giving lots of attention and energy to it. You are basically amplifying the energy of what you do not want and telling the Universe to give you more of it.
This is why when you focus on your problems they get bigger.
But,with a bit of effort, anyone can learn to shift their focus to what they want.
It is as simple as asking yourself “what would be better” when faced with an undesirable situation.
Or noticing what you appreciate about something.
This is especially powerful if you are currently experiencing something that sucks.
The best way to “make it better” is to make a list of everything you appreciate about the sucky situation/person/place/thing.
I know that this can be a bit of a stretch but go ahead and do it anyway.
You have to get the positive vibes flowing before anything good can happen.
Then focus on the solution.
Ask yourself how you want the situation to be.
“what would be better??”
This will not only shift your energy and make you feel better in the moment, but it also creates space for something more desirable to show up.
Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Amplification Friday……bring on the Juicy Goodness.
Posted by: | Comments
The most powerful way to create change and to bring more JUICY GOODNESS into your life is to practice appreciation.
When you appreciate anything, you are sending a strong signal to the Universe saying:I want more of this please.
Appreciation is a simple thing, but it tends to get lost in our busy day…or gets pushed out the way by a tendency to focus on what we do not like and what is not working.
So, I have created Amplification Friday to encourage you to take a moment out of your day and think about all the yummy, sweet moments from your week.
Where did things feel good to you in your job, relationship, or creatively? IT can be something simple…like a beautiful tree you saw out your window, or a brief moment with someone on the street. Or you can talk about a great success that you had…or a personal breakthrough.
Once you identify the things you are appreciating, take few moments to really bask in the good feelings that they bring. By doing this you are amplifying the energy of them and sending a strong signal out into the Universe say “more of this Please!”
Writing them down for the world to see adds a bit of extra power to them. ( and it is also fun for everyone to see what other folks are writing…creates a big swirl of juicy goodness for everyone.)
If you like this…please share it !
A Hedonist Adventure
Posted by: | CommentsHow to bring more juicy goodness into your life.
Many of the people that I work with feel like their lives suck in one way or another.
* they can’t stand their job
* feel overwhelmed in their business
* their relationship is stagnant,
* they are just plain old bored and uninspired.
They are sick and tired of doing the same dull shit everyday.
They are tired of struggling to achieve the success that they know is out there…. somewhere…..waiting for them.
(they think it is)
They hope it is!
They are dying for some fun, meaning, and satisfaction in their lives.
Juicy Goodness! That’s what they want!
In order to get to the juicy goodness you need to start identifying what feels good to you and what you want more of.
It is a big process of exploration. Curiosity is key!
I send my clients on a Hedonists Adventure. This adventure has two parts.
The first part is all about discovery.
Take note of all the things that are currently in your life that:
• Feel good
• Already work
• You want more of
• Makes you smile
The second part is all about exploration.
Go check out all the things that you think might interest you. Especially the things that you feel like you are not supposed to be interested in! Read books, join groups, go new places, look on the web. Challenge yourself to push past your usual boundaries and take a peek into the world you were always curious about.
As you begin to explore these things, notice how it feels to you. If you get a big “Yes…I want more of this” go for it! If you get “ No…not digging it so much” move on to something else. This adventure is all about discovering what feels good and increases your happiness.
This adventure is guaranteed to give you plenty of food for thought and to identify a few different things you might like to try on for size in your career and personal life.
How do your do that with out risking everything?
Most people are not in the position to quit their job and start all over.
Life Experiments is the answer. Want to know more ??
Tune in to Defy the Box radio on Tuesday Sept 22 at 9 Pm and listen to Allan Bacon and I discuss how to try on different careers without quitting your day job.
Why All This Sex Talk ?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you have been following Defy the Box radio, you will see that sex and sexuality is a big topic for discussion there right now.A few folks have been asking why I feel it is important to talk about this in the context of my business.
This is the basis of what I am hearing: “Isn’t sexuality a bit personal??? You are not supposed to bring it into your business! It gives the wrong impression!”
This is exactly WHY I find it important to talk about sexuality.
In my mind, sex and sexuality are the one of the main areas where people are confined by their pre-packaged beliefs and stories around what is “right and wrong” and “good and bad”. It is topic that can easily create low vibrational feelings of doubt, shame,fear and guilt. When the reality is, when I am fully accepting and embracing my sexuality, it leads to the most amazing feelings of joy,bliss and expansion that I have ever known. To me there is lots of personal power there.
I remember when I was about 8 years old. I was just begining to really discover my body and how good it could make me feel. My family was not religious, but I liked to go to church with my friend and sing during the service with her. I remember one sermon in particular that said that the feelings I was having in my body were evil and bad and I should not touch myself or even think about that. I could not believe what I was hearing ! It was confusing and scary. I did not want to be evil, but I also somehow knew in my heart that my natural feeling were OK. So I did not let that stop me from enjoying myself.
For many people, this is not the case. They begin to doubt themselves and their natural feelings and urges, and make themselves wrong for having them.In my mind, this is one of the worse things you can do. You are basically tuning out your inner-guidance system…or as I like to say..you are tuning out your Inner-Freak. You begin to ignore the part of you that knows what feels good to you, and what will bring you the most joy and bliss. This does not only apply to your sexuality, it applies to all areas of your life. Your Inner-Freak knows what makes you special and unique in all areas of your life. It is what makes you stand out from the crowd in all your brilliant juicy goodness. It is where your true magic and power lies. Once you begin to shut it out, you lose touch with it and it gets harder and harder to access.
I also find that when you are constantly ignoring your desires and making them wrong,weather we are talking about a sexual desire or a desire for something in your life, it makes you feel bad about yourself. Like there is some dirty little secret that must stay hidden no matter what the cost. This takes up so much energy that could be used for something else, like creating a life that ROCKS!
Let me assure you, that most people have something about themselves that they feel needs to stay hidden because it is so flawed that no one will want them after they see it. I am quit certain that if you feel good about it, then you will attract other folks who feel good about it too. if you feel bad and shameful about it, you will attract other folks who will make you feel bad and shameful about it too.
Its your world. You attract people and things into it based on your feelings and thoughts about things. If you fully embrace and feel good about who you are and what you desire, then you will attract people and things that reflect that back to you.
If you embrace and accept your Inner-Freak, you will find your true magic and power!
If you are curious to explore authentic sexuality, Join us on Tuesday night, 8/25, at 9 PM EST on Defy the Box radio. My guest is Kali from the Kink Academy and we will be discussing the importance of embracing all parts of your kinky bad-ass self. http://www.DefytheBox.com/defy-the-box-radio
