Archive for alignment
To Offend or Not Offend, That is the Question
Posted by: | CommentsThe past few days I have been caught up in an ongoing mental swirl around whether or not I should tone down my message and the way I deliver it.
Why was I considering this?
In order to appeal to a broader audience.
In order to be more accessible.
In order not to offend people.
I was offered the opportunity to host Defy the Box Radio to a much larger audience than I am now. A well established website for women contacted me and said they were interested in my edgy perspective and the Defy the Box message was appealing to them. When I checked out the site and the other shows they offered I liked what I saw, but thought that they might be a bit too ‘vanillia’ for me. I suggested that they check out the past episodes of my show to see if they thought I would be a good fit. When we spoke again I was told that they liked my message and would love to have me, but I would need to tone things down a bit so that I do not offend anyone on the site.
MMMMM…….tone down my message, huh?
My first reaction was NO WAY, but then I started questioning myself.
I do want to expand my audience, and I am doing my best to expand my business.
Am I missing out on an opportunity by saying no?? Am I being a responsible business owner ?
Just thinking about toning myself down makes me feel restricted and unsettled. It makes me doubt myself.
This is not the way I want to feel.
When it comes right down to it, I do not like the idea of restricting myself in any way. The idea of toning down my message and my delivery of it is not appealing at all.
What I am really being asked to do is to adjust my behavior so that I ‘fit in’ to a particular box.
And I have to acknowledge that I was almost buying into the story that says you need to tone yourself down in order to appeal to a large audience, and offending people is bad. I was starting to flip – flop and was beginning to think that maybe it was a good idea to tone things down a bit so that I would be more accessible to the mainstream.
Then I called my friend Kelle and had a great conversation about speaking in your authentic voice, and who I really wanted to reach out to, and was I actually going to miss out on an opportunity here? Kelle is really good at helping me stay on track, and she reminded me that if you are not offending someone…you are not doing your job right. Thanks Kelle!
I mean, look at Howard Stern. Many people find him obnoxious and offensive but they still listen. He has a strong voice and perspective and is not afraid to stand out. His audience loves him.
When it comes right down to it, my ‘toning it down’ would not be in alignment with the message of Defy the Box.
What kind of example would I be if I was not letting my freak flag fly high and proud?
The reality is that I am a rabble rouser.
I am intentionally trying to stir things up, and make people question the ideas and beliefs that they have been living by.
That can be very offensive to many people.
It makes them uncomfortable. In response to the discomfort, they make me, or my message, wrong rather than looking inside themselves to discover the real reason they are feeling uncomfortable. ( It’s not really about me at all.)
It’s OK…I do my best not to take this personally. 
So…do I tone things down???
NO WAY!
Wheww….that feels so much better.
The Freak Factor
Posted by: | CommentsI am still thinking about this week’s Defy the Box Radio Show. I had a great conversation with Dave Rendall about his manifesto called:
The Freak Factor : Discovering Uniqueness by Flaunting Weakness. ( Download it and read it!)
When I first read this I was very impressed. It resonated with the core message behind Defy the Box.
Let your Freak Flag Fly in order to enjoy great meaning and success.
I can’t stress this point enough…… It’s OK to be different, and there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s time to stop making yourself wrong and trying to stuff yourself into the “Box” that society is trying to cram you into. It is a waste of your time and energy, and it just doesn’t feel very good. You would be better served by embracing these “problems” that other folks think you have and finding an environment that supports them.
I can’t stress how important it is to create the right environment and find the right people to surround you. You are not necessarily born into it. Sometimes you need to go out and create it. I think that accepting yourself helps a lot with this. The way you feel about yourself and what makes you different directly affects who and what you attract in to your experience.
For example, when I had Kali from the Kink Academy on DTB radio, we talked about authentic sexuality and the importance of accepting and feeling good about your desires. If you feel that your kinky desires are bad, then you tend to attract a person into your experience who feels that you are bad for wanting those things…..which in turn feeds your feelings of being bad. When you embrace your desires and feel good about them, you will attract people in to your experience who are down with them too, and you can enjoy some fun and feel good about it.
Is there anything about you that you are tired of trying to fix?
What would happen if you embraced it ?
You can listen you the Freak Factor episode here:
More of this please…….Amplification Friday
Posted by: | Comments
The most powerful way to create change and to bring more JUICY GOODNESS into your life is to practice appreciation.
When you appreciate anything, you are sending a strong signal to the Universe saying:I want more of this please.
Appreciation is a simple thing, but it tends to get lost in our busy day…or gets pushed out the way by a tendency to focus on what we do not like and what is not working.
So, I have created Amplification Friday to encourage you to take a moment out of your day and think about all the yummy and satisfying moments from your week.
It can be anything that you want more of…..it does not have to be something nice and sweet…it can be down right dirty…as long at it feels good to you and you want more of it in your life.( I often spend time appreciating my big black boots, and how fun it is to
go to the Kink Academy…and the fact that there even is a place like that.)
I would certainly suggest appreciating the people in your life and all the things that you are wanting more of in the future.
It is also really cool to bask a bit in appreciation of yourself and how freaking awesome you are.
The more time you spend basking in the good feeling thoughts, the stronger you make that vibration…the more good stuff you attract back to you. ( That’s how this shit works.)
Remember that Pleasure = Juicy Goodness !
Once you identify the things you are appreciating, take few moments to really bask in the good feelings that they bring. By doing this you are amplifying the energy of them and sending a strong signal out into the Universe say “more of this Please!”
I invite you to share what you are appreciating below.
What Are Your Emotions Telling You???
Posted by: | CommentsLately, I have been talking about Hedonism and how important it is to seek out what feels good to you. This is important work because your emotions are a sure fire way to tell if you are in alignment with all the juicy goodness that is just waiting for you to discover it.
Your emotions are the part of you that is connected to your super deluxe navigation system. It is super deluxe because it is always honing in on what will bring you the most happiness, fun and meaning into your life. This system has an amazing big picture perspective and can clearly see the juicy goodness even when you can’t.
It communicates with you through your emotions. When you are on course, you feel good. You may feel happy, inspired, excited, or interested. The more you focus and think about these good feelings, the farther down the path of juicy goodness you will travel.
When you are veering off course you feel bad. You may become irritated, jealous, frustrated, or angry. The farther of course you veer, the more intense the emotions and the more likely you are to start manifesting negative experiences to go along with and validate the bad feelings. Life will start to suck. This is a clear indicator that you are way out of alignment and totally off course.
I want to add this in: It is not your job to control or change your emotions. All you need to do is learn how to tune into how you feel. Let your emotions guide you along and show you the way to a life that totally Rocks!
Why All This Sex Talk ?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you have been following Defy the Box radio, you will see that sex and sexuality is a big topic for discussion there right now.A few folks have been asking why I feel it is important to talk about this in the context of my business.
This is the basis of what I am hearing: “Isn’t sexuality a bit personal??? You are not supposed to bring it into your business! It gives the wrong impression!”
This is exactly WHY I find it important to talk about sexuality.
In my mind, sex and sexuality are the one of the main areas where people are confined by their pre-packaged beliefs and stories around what is “right and wrong” and “good and bad”. It is topic that can easily create low vibrational feelings of doubt, shame,fear and guilt. When the reality is, when I am fully accepting and embracing my sexuality, it leads to the most amazing feelings of joy,bliss and expansion that I have ever known. To me there is lots of personal power there.
I remember when I was about 8 years old. I was just begining to really discover my body and how good it could make me feel. My family was not religious, but I liked to go to church with my friend and sing during the service with her. I remember one sermon in particular that said that the feelings I was having in my body were evil and bad and I should not touch myself or even think about that. I could not believe what I was hearing ! It was confusing and scary. I did not want to be evil, but I also somehow knew in my heart that my natural feeling were OK. So I did not let that stop me from enjoying myself.
For many people, this is not the case. They begin to doubt themselves and their natural feelings and urges, and make themselves wrong for having them.In my mind, this is one of the worse things you can do. You are basically tuning out your inner-guidance system…or as I like to say..you are tuning out your Inner-Freak. You begin to ignore the part of you that knows what feels good to you, and what will bring you the most joy and bliss. This does not only apply to your sexuality, it applies to all areas of your life. Your Inner-Freak knows what makes you special and unique in all areas of your life. It is what makes you stand out from the crowd in all your brilliant juicy goodness. It is where your true magic and power lies. Once you begin to shut it out, you lose touch with it and it gets harder and harder to access.
I also find that when you are constantly ignoring your desires and making them wrong,weather we are talking about a sexual desire or a desire for something in your life, it makes you feel bad about yourself. Like there is some dirty little secret that must stay hidden no matter what the cost. This takes up so much energy that could be used for something else, like creating a life that ROCKS!
Let me assure you, that most people have something about themselves that they feel needs to stay hidden because it is so flawed that no one will want them after they see it. I am quit certain that if you feel good about it, then you will attract other folks who feel good about it too. if you feel bad and shameful about it, you will attract other folks who will make you feel bad and shameful about it too.
Its your world. You attract people and things into it based on your feelings and thoughts about things. If you fully embrace and feel good about who you are and what you desire, then you will attract people and things that reflect that back to you.
If you embrace and accept your Inner-Freak, you will find your true magic and power!
If you are curious to explore authentic sexuality, Join us on Tuesday night, 8/25, at 9 PM EST on Defy the Box radio. My guest is Kali from the Kink Academy and we will be discussing the importance of embracing all parts of your kinky bad-ass self. http://www.DefytheBox.com/defy-the-box-radio
