Archive for Boston
How do I keep from falling back into my old way of being?
Posted by: | CommentsThis is a recent question that I received:
I am so ready to step into my authentic self and really embrace all that I desire, but I still feel part of myself resisting it.
Why is that??
If I can see who I want to be, what is stopping me from jumping in with both feet? Why do I find myself falling back into my old way of being and my ‘not-me’ behaviors?
This is a great question that many of my clients face.
The short answer: You need to commit to feeling things fully so that you no longer need those ‘not-me’ behaviors and old ways of being.
These behaviors and ways of being that you are trying to release are deeply ingrained in your ego and there is energy attached to them. You developed all the ‘not-me’ behavior in order to avoid feeling some kind of undesirable feeling. As children, our bodies are not equipped to run a lot of energy, and as a result, you got overwhelmed very easily. Typically, the folks around you can’t handle it, and you feel that, which enforces the idea that feeling those overwhelming feelings is undesirable, besides the fact that overwhelm does not feel good. So you begin to avoid feeling these energies at all costs.
Enter your EGO.
Your ego loves to identify everything and put a label on it so it knows what to expect. It gets really good at identifying any feeling that could potentially lead to overwhelm and creates all kinds of behaviors that keep you “safe” from these undesirable energies. In order to do this, a whole bunch of unconscious stories, beliefs and habits are developed that make up your perspective around how the world works, and who you need to be in order to survive in it.
What this all comes down to is that you are resisting feeling things fully.
Most of this stuff is unconscious and goes unexamined until you decide to make changes in your life.
Deciding to do the work to change your life is a conscious activity, especially if being truly authentic is your goal. Part of being conscious is to be fully present to what you are feeling…..which equals feeling things fully.
This is a major shift for many people.
The Ego convinces you that the intellect is king and it is all about thinking, where as your higher-self knows that all the information you need is right here in this moment for you to feel.
See the problem here?
If you are not committed to feeling things fully then you miss out on so much importnat information. You also fall back into these unconscious “not-me” behaviors and ways of being that are created to avoid feeling things fully.
The next question is: Won’t my head explode if I am feeling everything fully? Won’t I become overwhelmed?
The reality is that as we grow older and our bodies become fully developed we are totally capable of feeling everything and much, much more than we ever imagined. Your body is designed to be present in this wondrous and amazing world. You can feel and process everything you need to. The best part is, that as you allow yourself to really feel things fully, and experience all that there is for you to experience, it gets easier and easier to do. Your ability to feel and run energy expands. Next thing you know you are tapped right into your ever abundant flow and the world is your playground.
What do you think? Are you ready to jump in to your ever abundant flow?
Rules….Do You Need Them?
Posted by: | CommentsRules……just hearing that word makes me bristle a bit.
It brings up feeling of being controlled, and constrained.
Rules often make me want to rebel!
Growing up I could not stand someone else telling me what I
could and could not do.
Why do I need to go to bed at 8 if I am not tired?
Why can’t I eat a cupcake before dinner?
Why do I have to go to school when I don’t want to?
Rules seemed to be a big infringement on my personal freedom.
After all, I know what is best for me and I wanted the freedom to
choose for myself.
Are rules necessary?
You bet.
Rules are necessary to set up structure.
Rules keep things in order, especially when there are lots of
different kinds of people living in the same space.
It would be chaos without them. Each society creates its own
rules around how to live and interact with others.
We create laws in order to keep everyone safe. We all“AGREE”to them
for the most part and abiding by them is part of choosing to live in
the good ol’ USA. (Although, I do feel that some laws are crap and have
nothing to do with our safety but that is another topic .)
And then we have the unwritten rules that govern how we each are
supposed to behave and interact with each other.
These are the tricky one’s.
I am not sure who agreed to them and when they were discussed.
No one asked me, but I on some level, I am expected to abide by them.
Do we need these “unwritten and implied” rules?
I feel that these rules are meant to be questioned so that we
each can determine which ones work for us and which ones don’t.
An example of this might be “ Be polite to strangers”.
In lots of cases this is a good rule to live by, but what if a stranger
gropes on the subway? Are you supposed to be polite then?
Then you can have your own rules about how YOU live your life.
These rules are all about what you allow and the structure that you
have set up for yourself in order to ensure that you are happy,
nurtured, and successful. These are the rules that I am most curious about.
Do you think you need them?
Where the Juicy Goodness Can Be Found
Posted by: | CommentsThe surest way to bring more juicy goodness into your life is
by deepening your own relationship with YOU.
This is the most important connection that you can create.
Otherwise, how do you know what brings you happiness, meaning
and success?
This is trickier than it may sound for many people, especially the
freaky folks.
We live in a society where there are lots of expectations and
pre-packaged beliefs around how we are ‘supposed’ to live, and
who we are ‘supposed’ to be in this world.
When you do not fit into that mold,it is easy to feel like there
is something wrong with you, and you begin to feel unworthy,
undeserving, resentful, and a whole lot of other emotions that
feels yucky.
It is really easy to start making yourself wrong for being different.
The worst part is that you tend to settle for whatever comes your
way because you think that you can’t have anything else.
You are so busy trying to be something that you are not,
there is no space to ask yourself :
“What would feel good to me?”
or
“What works in MY life?”.
These questions are the key to bringing in more Juicy Goodness.
I know this sounds simple, and it is on one level,
but I also recognize that it can be very difficult to do.
So many people never learned how to ask themselves these
questions on a regular basis.
When we are young we set our
course for who think we are supposed to be in the world.
This course is not necessarily based on who we are, but rather
who we think we should be.
So we spend our time trying to force ourselves in to a life that
does not fit, rather than exploring and discovering who we really are,
and what feels good to us. We end up in jobs that are dull,
and meaningless, in relationships that feel crappy,
and generally feeling unsatisfied.
In order to make ourselves feel better, we shop, eat,
have sex with the wrong people, read self help books,
and usually blame everyone else for our misery.
We spend our time looking outside ourselves for the solution,
when it is right there inside of us waiting to be discovered.
You are the only one who knows what is right for you.
The key is being committed to deepening your relationship with yourself.
How do you do that?
Make a commitment to knowing yourself better.
Get in the habit of asking yourself some of these key questions:
“What makes ME happy?
“What already works for me and feels good in my life?”
“What do I enjoy doing?”
“What do I want from _________________?”
( my career, relationship, health, sexuality, or any given situation)
“How do I want to feel when I _______________?”
(Am at work, in relationship, walk down the street, anything that you do)
“What would feel good to me right now?”
If you really want to get intimate with yourself, whenever something
or someone is bothering you and making you feel upset, irritated or
generally uncomfortable, ask yourself:
“What about this is making me feel uncomfortable?”.
Listen to the answers and go out and use that information to create a
life that is designed to suit your unique style.
Surround yourself with the people and things that support your happiness.
Nurture the relationship with yourself as if you were your favorite lover.
Give yourself everything you need to be happy and feel great.
You will be surprised at how easy it becomes once you get in the habit
of asking yourself what you need.
As an extra bonus you will discover
that all the people around you will benefit from your happiness.
Soon enough you will all be surrounded by all the Juicy Goodness
that life has to offer.
Does this sound doable to you?
Hey you….Child of the Universe…this is for you….
Posted by: | CommentsI found this very inspiring today.
“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle wit yourself. You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And weather or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should,”
~ Max Ehrmann
I wonder if there is any places where you might be gentler with yourself on your journey and perhaps allow yourself, and the universe, a bit more time to create what you desire ?
How do you know when to “Suck it up Princess” or choose something else?
Posted by: | CommentsI recently received this question in response to one of my blog posts Super Deluxe Navigation System .
Since I suspect that a lot of you might wonder the same thing, I figured I would share my answer with you here.
“OK I have a major question about this! Sometimes life is not all peaches and roses.Sometimes we have to do stuff that sucks. After reading the first article about “what are you avoiding” and then contrasting it with this article, I’m confused. So you’re supposed to do what feels good… and not what feels bad. So if I don’t like my job, and I don’t like going on interviews and I don’t want to be self employed – all of that makes me anxious and stressed – but I do like eating junk food and watching tv because they are fun and feel good, then how exactly would I be on the right track by following what feels good? Obviously in the long run I’m going down a bad path. Soon I’ll be fat and broke and that doesn’t feel good either. Then what? “When do we “feel the fear and do it anyway” (even though it feels bad)? When do we have to say “suck it up princess” and do the hard work even though it feels bad? How do you know?”
You are right, life isn’t all peaches and roses and sometimes you have do things that scare you and that suck.
The questions is, do they suck on a long term basis…like a job you can’t stand that you feel trapped in…or a bad relationship…or an awful roommate situation, or are they things that scare you and suck on a short term basis….like going to the dentist or a job interview.
We all get scared, and it is good to learn how to move through that fear and “do it anyway” as long as “doing it” will bring you closer to a desired outcome. (This is when you would “feel the fear and do it anyway”).
I can compare it to getting a tattoo. You know it is going to hurt and it is scary to think about the hour you are going to be sitting there with little needles sticking into you over and over again, but the end result is some beautiful new ink that will decorate your body for the rest of your life so in my eyes it is well worth it.
Maybe you want to compare it to looking for a new job. Going on interviews suck and is scary, but the end result is that you get an awesome new job that you love to go to.
On the other hand, if going to my sucky job everyday feels bad and I hate it, I have to ask myself why am I doing it?
Why is it OK for me to be working a job that I can’t stand?
It is not necessary to suffer through a crappy job. There are always other possibilities and things you can do to make the situation feel better to you.
Staying in a sucky job is not so much about the money part, although that is the reason people say they do it.
What I ussually find with my clients is that it covers up a belief that you cannot get anything better, or it is the way work is supposed to be, or there are no other options. You do not expect anything different, so you settle for what you get.
If “suck it up princess” means to ignore the part of you that is crying out for something more and to settle with what you got, I say no way.
As far as following what feels good goes…if eating junk food and watching TV feels good that’s cool, as long as you are not doing it to avoid and tune out from something else.
I like to eat nachos and watch American Idol but that is not every night all night. I am not avoiding anything by doing it and it is adding to my pleasure.
When I talk about doing what feels good, I am suggesting that you follow what brings you happiness and meaning.
Sometimes eating junk food and watching TV is exactly what you need to chill out. Then it gets boring and you go do something else that is more stimulating that you want to do.
