Archive for break free
Fear is Soooooo Tricky……..
Posted by: | CommentsToday on Defy the Box Radio I talked about fear.
Strangely enough, I was fearful about doing the show…which is very unusual for me.
But this was the first time with the new show format and I was doing things in more of a questions and answer kind of way, with a bit of “spotlight” coaching thrown in. I was on my own with no co-host or guest to interview, and I was nervous about talking to myself and having to fill up all the space. It felt awkward and I was certainly having a hard time getting into my flow. Things shifted once I opened up the line and did some coaching……that feels so natural to me and I am in my flow when I am doing it.
I do think I am going to continue my quest to find a co-host if you think your might know someone.That will certainly help make it more fun for me……which usually translates to more fun for everyone. 
But I am rambling here…..lets get back to the topic of fear.
Fear is one of the main reasons that people hire me. They want to make some big changes in their lives and they are afraid to do it.
Fear is tricky…it shows up in all kinds of disguises.
Anxiety
Nervousness
Worry
Self-doubt
Resistance
Anger
Confusion
Jealousy
Excuses
Cluelessness ( is that even a word?)
Procrastination
Today fear showed up disguised as nervousness and confusion for me.
I was edgy, uncomfortable and my mind was feeling pretty blank. I admit it sucked, but I got through it.
So what is our fear trying to tell us…or do for us?
Seth Godin does an amazing job of breaking this all down in his book Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?
Originally, fears purpose was survival, but now it mostly keeps you from expanding into your highest potential.
Your fear response is one of the oldest parts of you. It comes from the part of your brain referred to as the “Lizard Brain”. It’s original purpose was to help you survive. Its goal is to keep you small and hidden so that you blend in and don’t get eaten! Your fear wants’ you to be part of the pack because you are more likely to survive. It is just trying to keep you alive!
But the reality is that we don’t need to worry about getting eaten anymore.
Funny how the idea of standing out from the crowd and being really seen in our full unique glory can inspire fear in the best of us. (It’s the Lizard Brain just doing its job.)
The cool thing is that humans have evolved to the point where we can focus our attention on creativity and living a meaningful life. We have more ability to focus on our own expansion.
I suspect that if you are reading this, you are focused on YOUR own expansion.
So now that we know what fear is…….what do you do about it?
I have an awesome 3 step process for kicking fear’s ass that I will share with you next time……..
What stands in the way of you living your kick-ass dream life?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you could create your kick-ass dream life, what would it look like ?
What would you spend your days doing?
Who would you hang out with?
Where would you live?
What would the weather be like?
How would you feel when you wake up in the morning?
How would you feel when you go to bed at night?
What is stopping you from living this dream right now?
What stands in your way?
I suspect that many of you think it is the money, other responsibilities (family/kids), where you live, or a number of other circumstances that stand in the way of you living your dream life. But I am here to tell you that you are wrong.
What is keeping you from living a life that totally rocks right now is your stories about who you are and what is possible for you. We all have them. They are commonly called limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind and determine what we even try to do with our lives. They keep us small and prevent us from going after our big dreams.
Your Limiting beliefs are behind that voice in your head that says:
” You can’t do that.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“What are you crazy?”
“This is just the way the world works”
These beliefs keep you small and tightly packed into that box that society wants you to live inside of.
The interesting thing is that most of these beliefs are not really true at all. They are just some story that you bought into somewhere along the way (just like everyone else). I suspect that if you begin to question them you will see how quickly they fall apart.
The reality is that each of us can be, do and have anything that our hearts desire. There is no limit to what is possible when you sent your mind to it. The trick is that you have to believe that it is possible before you can allow it to unfold for you.
I am curious about where in your life you are not allowing yourself to go for what you really want because you don’t think that you can have it?
Where are you allowing yourself to sit in a place that is feels sucky because you think that is “just the way it has to be” ?
If you are interested in doing something about these limiting beliefs, you can sign up for a free 3o minute Breakthrough Session. During this session I will help you to uncover exactly what is standing in the way and what you can do about it.
If this sounds good, shoot me an email here and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
Is There One Right Way to Live?
Posted by: | CommentsAn extremely common pre-packaged belief is that there is a right way and a wrong way to live. It‘s thought that all people should discover this and agree upon it, and then that right way of living should be enforced.
What the F@#*%?
This idea is crazy for a number of reasons. The biggest being that we are all different, and what makes you happy and is the right way for you to live, might feel completely wrong to me.
But we do continue to force our ideas onto each other. This happens on so many different levels.
Religion is the first to come to mind.
Different countries have different ideas about the best way to run things.
You can see this same thing happening in the different states as they work through ideas about gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana.
Growing up, children are impacted by their parent’s ideas about how to raise them and how they should live. How they should dress, and speak and behave. Factor in the school system and your culture and there are lots of rules and expectations around what RIGHT LIVING looks like.
This is the main reason why there are so many people who feel like freaks and outsiders in this world. They are living their lives according to someone else’s ideas about what right living looks like. When you try to cram yourself into something that is not designed with you in mind, it feels yucky.
Is there one right way to live?
NO WAY!
There are as many ways to live as there are people. It would benefit us all to embrace that idea and live it.
I want you to think about this for a minute.
What does your ‘right way’ to live look like ?
Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I was reading a post on the Freak Revolution blog and it really sounded familiar to me.
It reminded me of my own story.
About 8 years ago I was working in a restaurant and miserable. There are some differences between me and the “pie-fucker” that they are describing. I did not work at Chili’s and I did not suck at my job, but the misery was one and the same.
In my case, I worked at a high end steak house and was actually very good at my job, BUT I was miserable and pretty bitchy most of the time.
I felt trapped.
I wanted out but I had bills to pay. I was making 2 or 3 times as much money as I could as a new consular or therapist.
Besides, I did not really want to work mucking around in people’s problems. I knew that I wanted to do something along the lines of helping people, but I also was used to a certain standard of living. I felt stuck and did not see many options.
So, I sucked it up and stayed at the job I hated and bitched and moaned and complained about how awful it was.
I spent a lot of time looking for something to make me feel better. I went out for drinks most nights and partied a lot. When I was home alone, I always had the TV or the computer on…..sometimes both at the same time. I was trying to tune out that part of me that was crying out for something different. Deep down inside I knew that my life could be different….that this could not be it…..but I was not sure what exactly it was that I was looking for.
Strangely enough, I would catch a glimpse of it every now and then. I would come across a stranger who seemed “shiny” to me and they would have a special sparkle in their eyes. You could tell that their life did not suck.
All I knew was that I wanted some of what they had.
I had to break free of the miserable, meaningless life I was living. I got to the point where it was no longer ‘OK’ to remain at a job that I hated.
I wanted to like my job.
I wanted to enjoy my life and be inspired by it.
I decided to set off on a course of exploration and I did a bunch of thing I had never done. One of those things was to go to Burning Man. In a strange moment of displaced clarity I decide to follow my heart and become a life coach.
Was it scary?
YES!
Did I take a Risk?
You Bet!
I also doubted my choice a hundred times over, but in the end I am certain it was the best thing I ever did.
My life feels good to me now.
I am that ‘shiny’ person with the twinkle in her eye.
You know what?
I gets better and better every day.
Your Story: Love It or Ditch It !
Posted by: | CommentsOne of my superstar clients came to me wanting support in building her business. She had reached a point where she felt bogged down and the joy was going out out of it for her. It was begining to feel a lot like WORK! Work she did not want to do. She found herself doing things she did not enjoy because she thought she “had to” do them.
Once we dug down into it, I uncovered a story that she was carrying that said in order to be successful in business, you had to be very serious and work hard. She had to MAKE everything happen and figure it all out. She was following a plan of action that did not feel very good to her.
Now, this superstar is a fun loving gal. Part of the reason she started her own business was so that she could enjoy herself and have the freedom to do what she wanted. As we explored the different stories she held about what success meant and looked like, and how you got there, it became apparent that her story was not in alignment with her desire.
She felt hemmed in and limited by what she thought she was supposed to do. This story took the joy out of everything.
It also took her out of alignment with her vision of how she wanted her business to be and she was not making the money that she desired.
Are you wondering what we did about it?
We ditched her old story about what she had to do in order to be successful and wrote a new one. In this superstar’s new story, her success easily grew out of her enjoyment of her work and it was fun and easy. We identified the different components of her business that felt good to her and were already working. I had her identify the things she really enjoyed doing and wanted to do more of. We focused on the fun and what was already bringing results.
We also identified the parts of her business that felt forced and were not working. If we could not find a way to make them fun we ditched them or found someone else to take care of it. When we were done she was already seeing things take off.
The biggest improvement was that she was enjoying it again! Things were opening up for her and she felt good! This new story was really working.
I am curious to know if any of you have places in your life or your business where you are feeling bogged down and are not getting the results that you want.
Do you know what your story is around it?
