Archive for change
Being out of the Flow, Escaping your Role, and Mermaids
Posted by: | CommentsSuper Moon over Boston
The Super Moon kicked my ass. I admit it. Over the past week and a half I’ve been sick with some mysterious flu, lost my voice, and had a pink eye like problem for a few days. Now I’m generally feeling foggy in the brain. I’ve been totally out of my flow. I surrender…Ok??
I get it! This is the time for change. The spring is here and the message I’m getting is to slow down, and re-evaluate where my energy is going. I obviously can’t keep going on at the same pace I have been. As my coaching business grows, and I have more awesome clients to serve, I’m finding that it is time to make some choices concerning what is the best use of my time and energy.
I was having a conversation with someone about ‘pruning’ the other day. We were discussing the idea of being willing to chop off some fruit bearing branches in order to maintain the health and increase the overall productivity of a tree. It’s time to break out the pruning shears and chop of some branches.
Is there any pruning that you need to do in your life?
Escape Your Role Week
One thing I am feeling good about is the awesome event that my friend Catherine Bruns is doing right now. She created a unique opportunity called Escape Your Role week for you to receive free resources so you can break free of your pre-packaged life and start living your kick-ass life right now.
She is bringing together the combined genius of 20 amazing women to provide you with free resources to explore ALL sides of you. Because, we know you’re much more than simply a Mom, Wife, Business Owner, Employee….
I’m so excited to be participating and offering you the Feeling Good= Your Kick-Ass Life Audio Series.
All you need to do is go to: www.EscapeYourRole.com to participate. Escape your Role week ends March 25th so go check it out now!
Mermaids
I’ve been spending a lot of time in my mermaid corner looking up at the mermaids hanging from the ceiling and speculating about getting more. I’m going to Craft Boston this weekend and I imagine I will find some there.
I have them in every room of my house except the bathroom- which seems a bit strange because that is where the most water is and mermaids and water do go together. I think I’ll have to fix that.
What are you up to this weekend?
The Problem with Faking-it-Till-you-Make-it
Posted by: | CommentsOn one of the group calls for the Create Your Kick-Ass Life in 2011, I was asked if I thought that faking-it-till-you-make-it was a good idea. I know that the self help guru’s tell you to do it, but I can see a big flaw in the process.
The whole idea of fake –it-till-you-make is that you pretend that you are already successfully embodying the energy of what you want to create for yourself. Let’s say you want to be more productive at work. You identify some of the things that productive people do, and set out to fake-it-till-you-make –it using the ideas and tools that you have been told productive people use.
Every morning you psyche yourself up; put a big fake smile on your face, and go into work saying the affirmation “Today will be a great day and I’ll easily clear off my desk”. You’re in total fake-it mode. You move papers around, making lists, and pretend that you are getting stuff done, but the reality is that deep down inside your not feeling it. You are simply so far behind; you feel like you’ll never catch up.
The Problem
Does fake-it-till-you-make -it work for you in this scenario? No Way!!!
Your current reality is so far away from where you want it to be you don’t think that you will ever get there! All the faking-it in the world is not going to help you.
And that is the problem with the fake-it-till-you-make-it mentality. It doesn’t work if you are not in alignment with the change that you are after and you don’t feel like it is possible for you.
Sometimes you need to ease your way into things. You need to see evidence of it happening and show yourself that it is possible for you to achieve it. Ignoring your doubts and fears doesn’t make them go away. The energy of them lurks around underneath the surface and sabotages your efforts.
Fake-it-till-you-make-it only works when you believe that you can achieve what you want and you are already in alignment with it. When you doubt yourself pretending like this leads to frustration and defeat.
My Solution
What I recommend is to focus on shifting your thoughts towards what feels possible to you. Perhaps clearing off your desk seems impossible, but taking care of one task feels doable. Do that one task, and celebrate your completion of it. Then identify what else feels possible to you.
It’s OK if you are taking small steps. The key is to feel successful at being productive.
Think about other times in your life when you were productive and identify what worked for you then.
Collect evidence of your productivity. Celebrate it.
Allow yourself to feel good about what you have accomplished.
Do these things and bit by bit you will begin to embody the energy of someone who is productive without having to fake anything.
Abraham-Hicks offer a great tool for shifting your thoughts in order to come into alignment called the Focus Wheel. Check out the video below and play around with this process to see what happens. Fill me in using the comments below.
An Unconventional Way to Create Change
Posted by: | CommentsHow do you go about creating change in your life?
I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.
For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.
The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.
This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.
Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.
Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.
Do you see where I am going with this?
I have another idea for you to try.
What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?
What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping a behavior, or taking something away?
What would that look like for you?
Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.
Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?
Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.
Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.
Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.
As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.
It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.
What would you rather have more of?
try it out and let me know what happens!
If you want to play with this idea further, join in and play Amplification Friday with us every Friday on the Defy the Box Fan page on Facebook.
It’s all about me….no really!
Posted by: | CommentsI was listening to a friend complain about her relationship the other day. She was unhappy with her partner and how they were communicating. Her complaining about him is nothing new. She wants him to behave differently, blames him for their problems and likes to make him wrong. Every time I see her it is more of the same thing.
It sounds just like me 5 years ago.
I used to be a professional at blaming my partner for everything that was going wrong in our relationship.When it came down to it, everything that he did that made me uncomfortable I declared to be wrong. He needed to communicate more effectively, change the way he did things, and remember to do this or that. I put all the responsibility on him for changing the dynamics of our relationship. I was unhappy and it was his fault.
I was always blaming him and making myself out to be the victim of his personality flaws.
Talk about not taking responsibility for my own happiness!
Then I began to understand how I could apply the concepts of personal responsibility to my relationships.I embraced the idea that I am responsible for my own happiness, and if I am dissatisfied with the way things are, it is up to me to do something different in order to create the change I am looking for. It is my job to shift my perspective, and to clean up any old stories that I am carrying that are getting in my way. My expectations and frustration are all about me and how I think things should be. That does not make them true for anyone else.
Let’s face it, we are all really just doing our best and being ourselves. In most cases, no one is purposefully trying to be a jerk, unless that is what you expect from them. (When you cast someone into that roll, and you expect nothing less, then that is what you get.)
I guarantee that when you are having an issue with someone’s behavior, it is really all about you.
The best way to change things is to identify your own role in it.
What exactly is making you upset?
What can you do differently to create the results you are looking for?
What old story do you need to let go of?
How can you accept your partner for who they are, perceived flaws and all, and learn to interact with that person, rather than trying to force them to be who you think they should be ?
I am going to honest with you; it takes courage and determination to fully embrace the idea of personal responsibility. Changing you behavior can be hard work. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing and saying. You often end up having to deal with old stuff that you would rather forget about. In my experience it is worth it. My life and relationships have changed dramatically for the better. It also puts your happiness back into your own hands. That in itself is worth it.
Are you willing to take this on?
Try it out and let me know what happens.
