Archive for focus
An Unconventional Way to Create Change
Posted by: | CommentsHow do you go about creating change in your life?
I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.
For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.
The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.
This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.
Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.
Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.
Do you see where I am going with this?
I have another idea for you to try.
What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?
What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping a behavior, or taking something away?
What would that look like for you?
Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.
Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?
Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.
Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.
Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.
As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.
It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.
What would you rather have more of?
If you want to play with this idea further, join in and play Amplification Friday with us every Friday on the Defy the Box Fan page on Facebook.
Laying the Ground Work for the New Year part 2
Posted by: | CommentsHow was the eggnog? ( Or tequila depending on how you roll).
Are you back all refreshed and ready to move on to the next step?
Here we go……
Why do I want what I want?
The next step is to ask yourself what success looks like for you in the New Year
in all the areas of your life. What do you want to see happen and
why do you want it (What will you get out of it?)
For example:
(What) I want to double my income. (Why) I will feel a great sense of
freedom as I pay extra on my mortgage and quickly build more equity in my home.
(What)I want exercise to be a regular and fun part of my life. (Why) I want
to feel flexible and energetic and able to do all the physical activity that
I desire as I get older.
Doing this process connects you with the end result that you are looking for,
and that is what it is really all about. We do everything that we do because we
are looking for a specific outcome. This can be a conscious or unconscious process.
The more conscious you make it; the more likely you are to get what you want.
The clearer you are on what the end result you are looking for it, the easier
it will be to bring it into your life.
For example, let’s say that you want more money.
Why do you want more money?
“So I can easily pay my bills.”
Well, if easily paying you bills is the desired outcome there are many ways to go
about it…some might not even involve making more money.Maybe you can reduce your
bills, or go to a cheaper bar where drinks are not $12 a pop, or find a
sugar daddy…or mama…depending on your preference. So, my point is that if what
you really want is to easily pay all your bills then focus your attention on that.
Making more money is just one solution to that problem.
Create your Vision
The final step is to take all your new found clarity and write down your
vision for what you want to experience in the upcoming year. Let me stress that
you do not need to know HOW you are going to get any of these things and
trying to figure it out is the fastest way to get bogged down and lose focus.
Give yourself permission to get a little crazy with this and DREAM BIG!
Imagine that you can actually have, be and do anything that you desire.
There is nothing standing in your way.
Now go for it!
While you are writing this big dream out, do your best to incorporate all
five senses into the description. Feel how awesome it will be to have all
that you desire.
Let the juicy goodness wash over you.
How does it feel?
OK..Now what do I do with my vision?
Keep your vision close to you and refer to it often. This is your map
for the coming year. Keep it accessible and look at it often.
If you are feeling crafty, you can take this a step farther and make a
dream map or vision board out of this.
Look at your vision statement / dream map often and allow yourself to
feel how great it is to have all these things in your life.
EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT THERE YET!
Keep your eyes peeled for opportunities that will bring these things to you.
Focus on what is showing up and how you are getting closer every day.
When you feel like you are losing focus,look at your map and reconnect with it.
Feel free to change it, and adjust to it as you move through the year.
I know that I can easily get distracted and scattered by a million shiny
things that I come across every day. Staying connected to my vision keeps
my focused and on track. It also helps me determine if that shiny sparkly
thing is worth my time and effort.
Oh Yhea….I forgot the most important step.
Once you finish with the creation process,take some time and CELEBRATE how awesome you are.
You totally ROCK!
I wish you many blessings and lots of juicy goodness in the New Year.
Laying the Ground Work for the New Year part 1
Posted by: | CommentsRight about now, I start realizing that the New Year is right around the corner
and it might be a good time for setting some intentions around what I would like
to experience over the next 12 months. I am a firm believer in consciously
telling the Universe what I want more of so that it knows what to send my way.
The reality is that we are always telling the Universe what we want, but usually
we are doing it in an unconscious manner. I suggest that for the coming year
you make a commitment to doing it more consciously. You will be amazed at the results!
I feel that the best way to do this is by paying attention to what you are focusing
your attention on. If you want to be a super star at this, you will also do your
best to be conscious of what you are thinking about. Luckily, we have the ability
to control where we focus our attention, although I will be the first to admit that
it takes some effort and practice to do this.
When I go about setting intentions for the New Year, I take some time to reflect
on the past year.I find it easier to know where I want to go,
if I acknowledge where I have been.
Looking Back
As I look back over the past year, I take note of what has happened in my
business and personal life. I look at my relationships, money, my connection
to myself, and my health.
I ask myself these questions:
What has expanded?
Where have I grown?
What did not work for me? (What would be better?)
What would I like to be different?
What am I feeling good about?
What do I want more of?
What can I let go of?
Stick to the Facts
If you choose to do this yourself, I highly recommend keeping focused on
the simple factual answers to the questions, rather than the story around
why something did not work, or how it stopped you from being happy or
successful. The story is just the story and will not help you in setting
your intentions for the New Year.
Re-Focus Your Attention
When you ask yourself “What did not work for me? “, write the answers down
and then leave space to answer this question: “ What would be better?” .
When you answer the question “What would be better?” you are automatically
re-focusing your attention on what you DO want, rather than what you don’t want.
This re-focusing of your attention and energy is a powerful step in consciously
telling the Universe for what you want.
Amplifying the Energy
After I have finished reflecting on the past year, I take note of what I want
more of, what worked for me, and what would be better, and I imagine what it
would look like if I had all of those things in my life.
I play the Wouldn’t It Be Cool Game which goes something like this:
Wouldn’t it be cool if I had a long list of people who eagerly signed
up for all my classes and could not wait to work with me one-on-one so
that I could support them in really identifying the stories that stand in
the way of their success?
Wouldn’t it be cool if I discovered a cool, affordable, relaxed
space where I could hold workshops and events?
Usually, after asking myself these questions,I need a break. Some eggnog
seems like a good choice right about now! This is also the perfect time for
some fun and shenanigans.Once you are feeling refreshed you can get back to
creating your intentions.
To be continued………
More of this please…….Amplification Friday
Posted by: | Comments
The most powerful way to create change and to bring more JUICY GOODNESS into your life is to practice appreciation.
When you appreciate anything, you are sending a strong signal to the Universe saying:I want more of this please.
Appreciation is a simple thing, but it tends to get lost in our busy day…or gets pushed out the way by a tendency to focus on what we do not like and what is not working.
So, I have created Amplification Friday to encourage you to take a moment out of your day and think about all the yummy and satisfying moments from your week.
It can be anything that you want more of…..it does not have to be something nice and sweet…it can be down right dirty…as long at it feels good to you and you want more of it in your life.( I often spend time appreciating my big black boots, and how fun it is to
go to the Kink Academy…and the fact that there even is a place like that.)
I would certainly suggest appreciating the people in your life and all the things that you are wanting more of in the future.
It is also really cool to bask a bit in appreciation of yourself and how freaking awesome you are.
The more time you spend basking in the good feeling thoughts, the stronger you make that vibration…the more good stuff you attract back to you. ( That’s how this shit works.)
Remember that Pleasure = Juicy Goodness !
Once you identify the things you are appreciating, take few moments to really bask in the good feelings that they bring. By doing this you are amplifying the energy of them and sending a strong signal out into the Universe say “more of this Please!”
I invite you to share what you are appreciating below.
What To Do When They Drive You F@%$ Crazy?
Posted by: | CommentsWe all have experienced this.
There is someone who you can’t stand and who drives you crazy in your personal or work life.
Every time you see them you bristle up and get aggravated. It is like they are purposefully trying to piss you off and you think they are totally full of shit. They do the same stupid stuff over and over again. You can’t believe that they act this way, and you feel powerless to change things.
These people come in many different disguises. Sometimes it is your boss or co-worker. Other times it hits close to home and is a family member…..maybe even your parents.
The thing they have in common is that they make part of your life suck, and you feel like you have to put up with it because of the place that they hold in your life. (This situation could be describing your job or relationship too.)
So, what do you do about it?
How can you make it better?
I am going to tell you but you might not like it.
The best way to make this situation better is to spend some time focusing your attention on what you appreciate and like about the person…or job….or relationship.
I know this may sound crazy and maybe even impossible since this person really has no redeeming qualities, but try it anyway and see what happens.
Sit down and make a list of everything that you feel that person is good at, and what you appreciate about them. Maybe they are a snappy dresser, they always have your favorite candy on their desk, or they are a fun drunk. Even if you are really stretching to find something, go ahead and make the effort to do it. The more positive aspects of this person, or situation, that you can find, the faster things will shift for you. You want to shift the energy by focusing on what feels good to you about this person or situation. Spend some time everyday focusing on this list of positive aspects to amplify the energy of it.
Next, take a step back and stop making them wrong for their behavior. If someone does the same ‘shit’ over and over again it is more likely that that is just the way they do things, and if you stopped viewing it as wrong, you would be able to find a way make it work. It is only “shit” because it is not the same way you do things.
Don’t you hate when someone makes you wrong for simply being you? I think it sucks when someone does it to me.
You know what…it is all good.
Everyone is different.
The better you get at going with the flow and the faster you learn to stop making people wrong, the easier life will be. The fastest way to life sucking less is to learn to see people as they are without making them wrong, and learning how to adapt to different peoples styles of interacting and relating. The only behavior that you can really change is your own. You have 100% control over it. So, why not learn to adjust how you respond to stuff?
Ok…I know that this idea might get you riled up. If you are really having trouble with it, send me an email or give me a call and I can talk you through it.
