Archive for focus
I think we have it backwards…..
Posted by: | CommentsWhat if creating your kick-ass dream life is more about how you want to feel in your life than the things that you want to have?
When I talk to people about their kick-ass dream life, they tend to go right into describing what it will look like to them and all the things that are in it. They tell me about the cool career that they will have, and the awesome house and all the things that they will do. Once they have all these things THEN their life will feel totally kick-ass!
I think that this approach is backwards. It is extremely limiting and gives way too much power to the material things in your life.
If you are honest with yourself, the reason why you want these things; be it a job, house, or car, is because you think that you will feel a certain way once you have it.
And it might be true that all those things will make your life kick-ass, but I imagine that there are all kinds of things yet to be discovered that would work for you too.
What if you started off with being really clear on how you want to feel in your life, and create from there?
If you commit to looking for the things in your life that feel really good to you, then you can more easily build your kick-ass life around you.
I find that when you are tapped into how you want to feel, and you look for the things that allow you to feel that way, the possibilities expand and it becomes much easier to start living your kick-ass life right now.
What does your kick-ass dream life feel like to you?
How to come into alignment with your kick-ass dream.
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In my last post I left you pondering the question: “How do I get into alignment with my big dream?”
I will share one way with you now.
Focus on the “What” and the “Why” of your dream and forget about the “How” for now.
I know that this may sound like crazy talk, but I assure you that I have not gone around the bend with this one.
Let me break it down for you.
Most people spend less than a minute focusing on what their kick-ass dream is going to feel like once they are living it, before they immediately shift into “How am I going to make this happen” mode.
In most cases, you do not have a clear plan around “HOW” you are going to go about making your dream happen, so it creates a bit of resistance inside of you.
This resistance shows up as confusion, frustration, self-doubt, and overwhelm. (I am sure you can come up with a few feelings of your own here.) Once you are in the bad feeling place you are not in alignment with your dream, and it makes it very difficult for you to manifest it.
At this point, if you were like me, you would find yourself giving up and moving onto something else, or getting resentful and pulling up one of your old scapegoat stories around why you can’t have this dream or why you do not deserve it.
Now let’s look at this process from another perspective.
What if you spent a majority of your time focusing on the “What” and the “Why” of your kick-ass dream?
The “What” being the thing you want to manifest, and the “Why” being the reason you are doing it.
By spending your time focusing on these things, you are tapping into the good feelings that living your dream will bring you. The more you explore how it is going to feel to be living your dream, and what it is going to look like, the more you are expanding those juicy good feelings . By focusing on the juicy good feelings, you are bringing yourself into alignment with your dream.
A really cool thing happens when you do this: The details of “How” to create your dream begin to unfold before you. By focusing on the “What” and “Why” you have created the perfect space for the “How” to show up.
So, tell me, WHAT is your kick-ass dream and WHY do you want it?
Soon I will share with you the potential pitfalls to watch out for when doing this.
Fear is Soooooo Tricky……..
Posted by: | CommentsToday on Defy the Box Radio I talked about fear.
Strangely enough, I was fearful about doing the show…which is very unusual for me.
But this was the first time with the new show format and I was doing things in more of a questions and answer kind of way, with a bit of “spotlight” coaching thrown in. I was on my own with no co-host or guest to interview, and I was nervous about talking to myself and having to fill up all the space. It felt awkward and I was certainly having a hard time getting into my flow. Things shifted once I opened up the line and did some coaching……that feels so natural to me and I am in my flow when I am doing it.
I do think I am going to continue my quest to find a co-host if you think your might know someone.That will certainly help make it more fun for me……which usually translates to more fun for everyone. 
But I am rambling here…..lets get back to the topic of fear.
Fear is one of the main reasons that people hire me. They want to make some big changes in their lives and they are afraid to do it.
Fear is tricky…it shows up in all kinds of disguises.
Anxiety
Nervousness
Worry
Self-doubt
Resistance
Anger
Confusion
Jealousy
Excuses
Cluelessness ( is that even a word?)
Procrastination
Today fear showed up disguised as nervousness and confusion for me.
I was edgy, uncomfortable and my mind was feeling pretty blank. I admit it sucked, but I got through it.
So what is our fear trying to tell us…or do for us?
Seth Godin does an amazing job of breaking this all down in his book Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?
Originally, fears purpose was survival, but now it mostly keeps you from expanding into your highest potential.
Your fear response is one of the oldest parts of you. It comes from the part of your brain referred to as the “Lizard Brain”. It’s original purpose was to help you survive. Its goal is to keep you small and hidden so that you blend in and don’t get eaten! Your fear wants’ you to be part of the pack because you are more likely to survive. It is just trying to keep you alive!
But the reality is that we don’t need to worry about getting eaten anymore.
Funny how the idea of standing out from the crowd and being really seen in our full unique glory can inspire fear in the best of us. (It’s the Lizard Brain just doing its job.)
The cool thing is that humans have evolved to the point where we can focus our attention on creativity and living a meaningful life. We have more ability to focus on our own expansion.
I suspect that if you are reading this, you are focused on YOUR own expansion.
So now that we know what fear is…….what do you do about it?
I have an awesome 3 step process for kicking fear’s ass that I will share with you next time……..
An Unconventional Way to Create Change
Posted by: | CommentsHow do you go about creating change in your life?
I think the most common approach is identifying what you think is “wrong” with your life, and then setting up a plan to “fix” it. You spend your time and energy trying to stop doing something.
For example, if you wanted to lose weight, you may decide to stop eating junk food, and to stop spending your time sitting on the couch watching TV.
The flaw that I see in this approach is that you are focusing your attention on what you can’t have.
I don’t know about you, but as soon as I decide I am not going to have something anymore, the more I start thinking about it and wanting it. It becomes all about denying myself something and my having the discipline not to do it, which does not usually work so well for me.
This approach is also built on the premise that there is something “wrong’ with you that you need to “fix”.
Energetically this is moving you in the wrong direction. The more you focus on what is “wrong” and needs to be “fixed”, the more of that you will get.
Let’s say you decide not to eat junk food, but then that is all you can think about, and you have a chip or two, and then you feel bad for eating the chips, which makes you want to eat more chips. The next thing you know you are feeling bad about yourself for not being able to stick to your plan and you start tuning out the bad feelings by watching TV.
Do you see where I am going with this?
I have another idea for you to try.
What if rather than looking at the stuff that you want to fix and change in your life, you decided to focus on what you want more of in your life ?
What if you focus on how you might add stuff into your day that feels good, rather than being focused on stopping a behavior, or taking something away?
What would that look like for you?
Let’s go back to the losing weight example. In order for this approach to work, you need to connect to the reason why you are doing something.
Let’s say that the reason that you want to lose weight is to feel healthier and more energetic. How could you add things into your day that would allow you to feel healthier and more energetic?
Perhaps you might add more greens into your diet every day, and you decide that going for a walk increases your energy so you add that into your day too.
Then you discover that getting 8 hours of sleep a night really feels good and increases your energy so you do that too.
Adding the greens into your diet increases your bodies desire for more good food, and going for a walk and getting more sleeps leaves you energized and feeling like doing more stuff. Next thing you know, you don’t crave junk food and sitting on the couch is not so appealing.
As you begin to add these things into your day, and you feel good about them, it empowers you to do more stuff that feels good. It is a much gentler way to treat yourself and it will bring you the results that you are looking for much faster.
It all comes down to this: What you focus on expands into your reality. When you focus on what is wrong, and needs to be fixed, you get more of that. When you focus on what you want more of, and what feels good and works for you , you get more of that.
What would you rather have more of?
try it out and let me know what happens!
If you want to play with this idea further, join in and play Amplification Friday with us every Friday on the Defy the Box Fan page on Facebook.
Laying the Ground Work for the New Year part 2
Posted by: | CommentsHow was the eggnog? ( Or tequila depending on how you roll).
Are you back all refreshed and ready to move on to the next step?
Here we go……
Why do I want what I want?
The next step is to ask yourself what success looks like for you in the New Year
in all the areas of your life. What do you want to see happen and
why do you want it (What will you get out of it?)
For example:
(What) I want to double my income. (Why) I will feel a great sense of
freedom as I pay extra on my mortgage and quickly build more equity in my home.
(What)I want exercise to be a regular and fun part of my life. (Why) I want
to feel flexible and energetic and able to do all the physical activity that
I desire as I get older.
Doing this process connects you with the end result that you are looking for,
and that is what it is really all about. We do everything that we do because we
are looking for a specific outcome. This can be a conscious or unconscious process.
The more conscious you make it; the more likely you are to get what you want.
The clearer you are on what the end result you are looking for it, the easier
it will be to bring it into your life.
For example, let’s say that you want more money.
Why do you want more money?
“So I can easily pay my bills.”
Well, if easily paying you bills is the desired outcome there are many ways to go
about it…some might not even involve making more money.Maybe you can reduce your
bills, or go to a cheaper bar where drinks are not $12 a pop, or find a
sugar daddy…or mama…depending on your preference. So, my point is that if what
you really want is to easily pay all your bills then focus your attention on that.
Making more money is just one solution to that problem.
Create your Vision
The final step is to take all your new found clarity and write down your
vision for what you want to experience in the upcoming year. Let me stress that
you do not need to know HOW you are going to get any of these things and
trying to figure it out is the fastest way to get bogged down and lose focus.
Give yourself permission to get a little crazy with this and DREAM BIG!
Imagine that you can actually have, be and do anything that you desire.
There is nothing standing in your way.
Now go for it!
While you are writing this big dream out, do your best to incorporate all
five senses into the description. Feel how awesome it will be to have all
that you desire.
Let the juicy goodness wash over you.
How does it feel?
OK..Now what do I do with my vision?
Keep your vision close to you and refer to it often. This is your map
for the coming year. Keep it accessible and look at it often.
If you are feeling crafty, you can take this a step farther and make a
dream map or vision board out of this.
Look at your vision statement / dream map often and allow yourself to
feel how great it is to have all these things in your life.
EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT THERE YET!
Keep your eyes peeled for opportunities that will bring these things to you.
Focus on what is showing up and how you are getting closer every day.
When you feel like you are losing focus,look at your map and reconnect with it.
Feel free to change it, and adjust to it as you move through the year.
I know that I can easily get distracted and scattered by a million shiny
things that I come across every day. Staying connected to my vision keeps
my focused and on track. It also helps me determine if that shiny sparkly
thing is worth my time and effort.
Oh Yhea….I forgot the most important step.
Once you finish with the creation process,take some time and CELEBRATE how awesome you are.
You totally ROCK!
I wish you many blessings and lots of juicy goodness in the New Year.
