Archive for kick-ass dream life
Ten tips for connecting to your kick-ass dream life
Posted by: | CommentsI often work with people who know that they want something more out of life, but they have no idea what that looks like.
I always suggest a bit of self-exploration to help them uncover their version of a kick-ass life.
I figured that I would share these 10 tips for connecting to your kick-ass life in case you struggle with the same thing.
Here we go………
1. Commit to looking for the things that make you happy. Start making a daily kick-ass list. Write down everything that feels good to you and that you want more of.
2. Create space to sit quietly and connect to your inner-freak every day. Listen to what it tells you. It knows the way to all that is juicy and fun.
3. Put yourself outside your normal day-to-day life to shake things up a bit and shift your perspective. (I decided to go for my dream of being a Life Coach when I was at Burning Man.)
4. Tap into your curiosity and sense of wonder. Ask questions, dig deep, and let yourself be surprised.
5. Play more! Have fun! This will help you tap into the energy of your kick-ass life and attract more of it to you.
6. Explore all the things that interest you and try it on for size. Conduct your very own Life Experiments.
7. Pay attention to what you admire about the folks around you. Think about what exactly it is that appeals to you. (For example: You admire your friends open relationship. When you think about it, you recognize that what appeals to you is their ability to be themselves and pursue their own interests, and that is what you want more of.)
8. Give yourself permission to do all the things that you think you CAN’T or SHOULDN’T do, but you really-really want to.
9. Think about how you want the different aspects of your life to feel. (i.e. Work, relationships, body, spirituality, communication, sexuality, and relationship to money)
10. Imagine how you want to feel on Monday morning, Wednesday afternoon, and Friday. What do you do on the weekends? Get specific. Think about the kind of people you want to be around and the things you will do.
Pick a few to try out and let me know what happens in the comments below.
What will bring you the freedom and satisfaction that you desire?
Posted by: | CommentsAnother Monday on deck and I am looking forward to doing my new online radio show, My Kick-Ass Dream Life, this afternoon at 3 PM. The fact that I actually like Monday’s is a wonderful thing, and now that I am doing this show it makes them all the sweeter.
Today we will be talking about discovering your own version of kick-ass. It looks different for everyone and it is important to do a bit of soul searching to discover what will make you feel alive, excited, successful and complete.
There are so many possibilities out there for a non-conforming soul to consider once you’ve broken free from the mainstream mentality.
For example, how do you want to feel in your relationships? Do you prefer to have only one partner, or would you rather have many? Do you want children, or would you rather not be a parent? Do you prefer to live together, or maintain separate homes and lifestyles? All of these things are possible. The best part is that you get to choose which serves you best.
No one is judging you here. I want you to do what is right for you and allows you to feel the freedom and satisfaction that you desire in your life.
Maybe that freedom & satisfaction comes in the form of a monogamous heterosexual relationship where you are married and live in a nice house with a white picket fence and have two kids.
Or just maybe that freedom and satisfaction comes in the form of a polyamorous relationship with a few different men and women where you share a home with your primary female partner and children while spending time with your male partner at his apartment, and enjoying dates with other love interests.
It’s all good here, and I want to empower you to discover what works best for you.
So if you want to get in on the conversation click this link and you will be directed to the show page.
No worries if you missed the live show. You can listen to the podcast by clicking the same link when ever works for you.
How do you know if your fear is helping you or holding you back?
Posted by: | CommentsI was reading a blog post by Jonathan Fields the other day that talked about the discomfort of growing and expanding into the unknown, and being willing to be vulnerable and facing the fear and discomfort because he knows that he will be stepping more fully into himself on the other side.
It sounds like he is stepping more fully into his kick-ass dream life to me!
An interesting question came up in the comments of this post:
How do you discern the difference between the fear of moving forward into the new unfamiliar-yet-appropriate direction and the fear that’s trying to tell you, no, this isn’t right for you. I sometimes have a lot of difficulty telling these two fears apart and they often seem to be disguised as one another.
This question got me thinking……
How do you tell the difference?
On the surface they may appear to be the same thing, but if you take a real close look at them you can detect some differences between the two. They feel different in your body and you will find that the way it shows up in your inner dialogue will be different. Once you dig down into it, you will discover that they are rooted in two completely different places.
To me, the fear of moving forward into an unfamiliar- yet appropriate direction seems more ego driven, where as the fear that is trying to tell you that you are heading in the wrong direction is more intuition based.
The question is which one do you take more stock in?
I always trust my intuition. My ego is often full of shit so I like question what it is telling me
For example, when I examine it closely I see that my fear around moving into unfamiliar-yet appropriate territory is really more about the outcome or results. I feel it more in my head and neck. I am not sure what to do or expect, and I don’t want to make a mistake, or look stupid. Once I get clear about what I am really afraid of, it is so much easier for me to move through it.
On the other hand, if my fear is my intuition telling me I am heading in the wrong direction, I feel it in my core and have a sense of being held back. I am unsure if I should move forward, and find myself very unwilling to take action. I am dragging my feet. I find that it is best to wait a while and gather more information, or test the waters very slowly.
In my mind, the best way to deal with fear is to meet it head on and get up close and personal with it.
The thing is that most people do not want to cozy up and get intimate with their fear. They’d rather look at it from across the room or ignore it completely. That is why it has so much power over you!
If you want to grow and expand more fully into yourself and your kick-ass dream life, you are going to have to learn how to deal with your fear, and to get familiar with what it’s trying to tell you. It is your unexamined fear that has power over you. You need to stand up to it and look down deep into the depth of it to see what is really going on for you if you want any chance of effectively moving forward. This involves self-inquiry and being willing to sit with the discomfort that you are feeling.
I would love to hear your thoughts about dealing with your fear in the comments down below.
If fear is something that you struggle with, my new e-book The 3 Steps to Kicking Fear’s Ass can help! I break down my 3 steps for moving through your fear and provide you with all the tools you need to dig down deep into your fear and see what is really going on. I also tell you how to replace your fear with something that will help you propel you forward towards your kick-ass dream. You can learn more here.
I think we have it backwards…..
Posted by: | CommentsWhat if creating your kick-ass dream life is more about how you want to feel in your life than the things that you want to have?
When I talk to people about their kick-ass dream life, they tend to go right into describing what it will look like to them and all the things that are in it. They tell me about the cool career that they will have, and the awesome house and all the things that they will do. Once they have all these things THEN their life will feel totally kick-ass!
I think that this approach is backwards. It is extremely limiting and gives way too much power to the material things in your life.
If you are honest with yourself, the reason why you want these things; be it a job, house, or car, is because you think that you will feel a certain way once you have it.
And it might be true that all those things will make your life kick-ass, but I imagine that there are all kinds of things yet to be discovered that would work for you too.
What if you started off with being really clear on how you want to feel in your life, and create from there?
If you commit to looking for the things in your life that feel really good to you, then you can more easily build your kick-ass life around you.
I find that when you are tapped into how you want to feel, and you look for the things that allow you to feel that way, the possibilities expand and it becomes much easier to start living your kick-ass life right now.
What does your kick-ass dream life feel like to you?
The Top 5 Obstacles to Creating your Kick-Ass Dream Life
Posted by: | Comments1. Distractions
Distractions come in many forms; the internet, email, paying bills, family, getting caught up in peoples stuff, and even money issues. I get distracted by the birds out the window.
I find that the best way to avoid this is to spend some time everyday connecting to your vision for your kick-ass dream life. This can be the simple practice of imagining what it will be like to live it, and basking in the how good it feels. You could look at your vision board, or write out what a typical day in your dream life will be like. Doing this keeps you focused on what you want to create.
The more connected to your dream you are, the easier it is to stay on track. Your connection acts like a beacon that draws you towards it. Connecting to your dream everyday helps you avoid distractions, keeps your eye on the prize, and keeps you tapped into the outcome you are wanting.
2. Lack of Faith & not Trusting Yourself
(Ok…this could be considered to be two separate things, but I am going to lump them together anyway)
This shows up as self doubt, stressing that it won’t happen and not trusting yourself.
You need to believe that you can have your dream in order to create it. When you start doubting yourself, your ability to create your dream goes out the window. Your faith will make it easier to navigate the sticky place where things seem to be at a standstill, and you are feeling like it is never going to happen.
I feel like faith is intermingled with trusting yourself to be able to create your dream. Trust that you know what is right and your own advice is better than anyone else’s.
Stand firm in your belief that you can create it and have it, and that you deserve it!
3. Not having the proper support structures in place
This shows up in so many ways: overwhelm, old stagnant habits, un-supportive people, not enough energy, not enough time, not enough money.
It is really important to set yourself up for success when you are creating your dream life. You need to make sure you have evaluated what your life will be like when you are living your dream, and compare it to what you life is like now, and determine what kind of shifts and changes that you will need to make in order to fully embrace this new way of living.
Make creating your dream life one of your top priorities. So many people put their own happiness way down at the bottom of their to-do list. It is time to move it to the top of the list!! Now is the time to get rid of what does not serve you, and is not in alignment with your dream life.
Perhaps you need to watch less TV, not drink a six pack of beer every night, or organize your time better. Don’t get caught up in other people’s drama! Surround yourself with supportive people and carve out some time to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and eat well. Create space for your dream life to slip into.
4. Impatience and focusing on what is not there yet
This leads to self-doubt; stress, frustration and a whole slew of other feelings that make you feel like crap and wonder if your kick-ass dream will ever show up. It is also the fastest way to slow the process way down and possibly bringing it to a screeching halt.
Creating your dream life is a process that unfolds over time.
If you get caught up focusing your attention on what is not there yet, you miss everything that is there.
The more you focus on what is not there yet, the more you amplify the energy of lack in your life.
It is vitally important to focus on what is showing up, and noticing what is already there. Appreciate all that has already unfolded before you and the places in your life that are feeling kick-ass already
5. You resist the lessons along the way
I am going to be honest with you here: During the process of shifting into your kick-ass dream life, there are going to be places that are really uncomfortable.
You will find yourself pushing up against problems, and obstacles and things that you really do not want to deal with, or look at. You will be scared and confused too.
This is part of the process and it is necessary that you regard each of these things as the valuable lesson that it is. Your fear is there to tell you something. Each obstacle and problem is giving you an opportunity to examine your beliefs & stories about things.
Take these lessons as an opportunity to go within and identify where your stuff is. Take ownership of it, question it, and let go of all the stuff that no longer serves you.
Allow your expansion to happen!
Let’s Talk about Money for a minute……
Often times I hear people say that money is the thing that is preventing them from pursuing their dream.
BUT, the fact is that money is a very convenient and socially acceptable excuse to hide behind.
Before you start freaking out, telling me how you NEED MONEY!!!!! I want you to stay with me on this one for a minute.
When I dig deeper into this with clients, and I start asking questions, it usually ends up looking something like this:
I don’t really believe that I can have it .
I am afraid I will fail and I will not be able to support myself.
I do not trust myself to pull it off or do the work.
I do not trust myself to know what I want.
My happiness is not important enough.
My happiness is not my priority.
I am scared and afraid to go for it.
The reality is, that if you were 100% committed to creating your dream, and had faith that you could do it, you would. Money would not matter. You would find a way to make it work.
So, if money is what is holding you back, I ask you to examine that a bit closer and see what is sitting just underneath it.
