Archive for miserable
Why are we all so clueless when it comes to our own happiness?
Posted by: | CommentsBack in the day I was miserable in my job, and my “exciting, fabulous life” was completely unsatisfying. I was having a major identity crisis and had no idea who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life.
On the surface it looked like I had it all. I had a job that paid well that I had lots of opportunities at. I had a nice apartment in the cool part of town. I was “somebody” in my social scene and I got VIP treatment at all the nightclubs and restaurants that I went to. I had a large circle of friends and there was always something to do.
It all felt so meaningless to me. I knew that there was something more out there for me, but I had no idea what it was. I felt unsatisfied, and this was a problem. It made me cranky, frustrated, and I liked to blame everyone else, especially at work, for my dissatisfaction. I was stressed out most of the time and I got sick a lot.
I had no idea what I wanted, I just knew that what I was living was not it.
How is it possible that I had no clue about what I wanted?
How could I not know what would bring satisfaction and meaning to my life?
I know that I’m not unique in having this problem. I hear similar stories from clients all the time.
I feel that I am meant for something more, but I am not sure what that is.
I am not sure what I want but I know that this is not “it”.
I want my life and work to be more meaningful, but I have no idea what that looks like.
How can everyone be so clueless around what would make them happy?
I think it all boils down to this:
We are not taught how to determine what would feel meaningful and make us happy.
We are actually taught the opposite.
We are taught how to; behave, do as we’re told, follow the rules, and like what we’re given.
And if you are like me, you spent a lot of time resisting this, but ultimately you learned that it was easier to play along and fit in.
You learn how to tune out the part of you that says “but I want this” and you half-heartedly embrace what you’re supposed to want.
BUT, there is always a part of you that is crying out for something more. Unfortunately, you get really good at ignoring it because it is too painful to hear.
The end result is that you hit your thirties and start to wonder “Is this it?” and a mid-life crisis is waiting for you right around the bend.
So….. what do you do?
How do you learn to tune into what really is meaningful to YOU and will make YOU happy?
Here are a few tips to get you started.
Start listening to the part of you that wants more from life. Give it permission to come forward and be heard.
Notice the parts of your life that feel bad to you. Get specific around what does not work for you. Then ask yourself what you would want instead.
Commit to looking for things that feel good and make you happy. Embrace them even if they’re unconventional and far from the norm.
Try these tips out and let me know what you discover in the comments below.
If you decide that you are tired of struggling with this on your own, send me an email by clicking here, to discuss how we can work together to get you clear on exactly what will bring more meaning and satisfaction to your life.
Trapped, Miserable and Bitchy
Posted by: | CommentsThis morning I was reading a post on the Freak Revolution blog and it really sounded familiar to me.
It reminded me of my own story.
About 8 years ago I was working in a restaurant and miserable. There are some differences between me and the “pie-fucker” that they are describing. I did not work at Chili’s and I did not suck at my job, but the misery was one and the same.
In my case, I worked at a high end steak house and was actually very good at my job, BUT I was miserable and pretty bitchy most of the time.
I felt trapped.
I wanted out but I had bills to pay. I was making 2 or 3 times as much money as I could as a new consular or therapist.
Besides, I did not really want to work mucking around in people’s problems. I knew that I wanted to do something along the lines of helping people, but I also was used to a certain standard of living. I felt stuck and did not see many options.
So, I sucked it up and stayed at the job I hated and bitched and moaned and complained about how awful it was.
I spent a lot of time looking for something to make me feel better. I went out for drinks most nights and partied a lot. When I was home alone, I always had the TV or the computer on…..sometimes both at the same time. I was trying to tune out that part of me that was crying out for something different. Deep down inside I knew that my life could be different….that this could not be it…..but I was not sure what exactly it was that I was looking for.
Strangely enough, I would catch a glimpse of it every now and then. I would come across a stranger who seemed “shiny” to me and they would have a special sparkle in their eyes. You could tell that their life did not suck.
All I knew was that I wanted some of what they had.
I had to break free of the miserable, meaningless life I was living. I got to the point where it was no longer ‘OK’ to remain at a job that I hated.
I wanted to like my job.
I wanted to enjoy my life and be inspired by it.
I decided to set off on a course of exploration and I did a bunch of thing I had never done. One of those things was to go to Burning Man. In a strange moment of displaced clarity I decide to follow my heart and become a life coach.
Was it scary?
YES!
Did I take a Risk?
You Bet!
I also doubted my choice a hundred times over, but in the end I am certain it was the best thing I ever did.
My life feels good to me now.
I am that ‘shiny’ person with the twinkle in her eye.
You know what?
I gets better and better every day.
