Archive for negative thoughts
An Unexpected Date with Fear
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve been having some sleepless nights lately. I fall asleep easily but then I wake up at 3 or 4 AM with my thoughts swirling around in my head. I’m thinking about my business, and all the things that I should be doing. I get anxious and fearful. Does this happen to you too?
Interestingly enough, I don’t feel this way during waking hours. I wonder why it creeps in at 3 AM and wakes me up.
During the day I feel clear and focused. There is always something to do and I enjoy talking with my clients. If I’m concerned about something I take some action to change it. But at 3 AM when I’m half asleep I feel ambushed by these fearful thoughts. They are flashing on a big black screen in my mind and are the only thing that I see.
I’ll be the first one to tell you that sitting in these negative thoughts is not productive. I don’t want to stay focused on them and give them any juice. They are certainly nothing that I want to be expanding upon. In a way I feel powerless to stop them because I’m half asleep and laying in bed with no way to distract myself from them.
Maybe that is the point? (This is not where I expected this post to go. I’ve already written out a few paragraph’s talking about how to shift your focus, and as I’m editing this I find myself going in a new direction…..let’s see where it takes us.)
This fear is something that I’ve been avoiding for a while. I’m an expert at keeping myself busy and focused on creating all the things that I want. I rarely allow myself to sit in my fear. Once it comes up I shift my focus to what I want. But here it is waking me up in the middle of the night. Poking and prodding me and making me feel like I’m not doing enough.
I think it’s time that I invite my fear to sit on my back porch with me and drink some tea so we can talk things out. It’s time to stop hiding behind all my bus-i-ness and deal with my fear face to face.
OK Fear- meet me at 2 on the back porch and we’ll work this thing out. I’m ready.
The question is:Do you want to feel better?
Posted by: | CommentsI saw it in his eye’s today as we sat and talked. That far away, hurt expression that tells me he is caught up in his head and thinking about something that does not feel good to him.
I asked him what was going on in that head of his and he shared some stuff about not feeling good about himself and feeling like he was not accomplishing enough in his life. I have seen him in this place before.
Hell, I have seen myself in this place; my head starts to fill up with thoughts about how I can’t seem to get things where I want them, and all my failures. Then I start comparing myself to other people and I just don’t measure up. I tell myself that I am lazy, I don’t try hard enough, and that I suck. I end up feeling pretty bad about myself and totally dissatisfied with my life. This big energetic hole forms in my stomach and I feel that I might disappear into it.
I ask him, “Do you want to feel this way, or do you want to feel better about yourself?”
It seems like a simple enough question, but how often do you give yourself this choice?
Do you even know that you have a choice?
I know that for a long time I did not recognize that I had one. I was a slave to my negative thoughts and it caused me to be very frustrated, dissatisfied and depressed. I would unintentionally choose to feel bad about myself.
Then I read the book “The Four Agreements” and it shifted everything for me. This book made me realize that I had a choice and I could shift my thinking, and the importance of how I talked to myself in my head. It started me on the path to where I am today.
Today, I always choose to feel better about myself.
The next question is: How do you do that?
Here are some real simple things to start with.
1. Make the choice to feel good about yourself. Set the intention and repeat it every day.
2. Recognize that although you can’t stop negative thoughts from entering your head, you can choose not to focus on them. When you notice that negative stream coming in intentionally shift your focus to something that feels good to you. Even if it means totally distracting yourself by watching cartoons.
3. Make a daily practice of starting off your day focusing on things that feel good to you and that you appreciate. Appreciate yourself, your friends, family, environment, pets, and anything else that makes you smile.
5. Celebrate every little thing that you do, no matter how big or small. Get in the habit of patting yourself on the back and telling yourself: “You Rock!” See your own greatness.
6. If you are unsatisfied with something, ask yourself: “What would make this better?” This allows you to move towards a solution rather than focusing on what you are unsatisfied with and helps to shift the bad feelings much faster.
These simple things can create big changes in your life if you commit to doing them. I’m not going to say that they are not hard work sometimes since the default tends to be to slip down the rabbit hole of feeling crappy. It takes conscious effort to remember to do these things, but the choice is always there.
Pick a few to try out and let me know what happens in the comments below.
Being Selfish: Good or Bad?
Posted by: | CommentsLet’s start with this thought from Abraham-Hicks:
Hypothetically, people worry about everyone being selfishly oriented. “If everyone did exactly what they want to do, what kind of world would this be?” And we say, a really, really good one. Because if everyone did what they wanted to do, everyone would feel free. And if you feel free, you feel empowered. And every negative emotion that exists—hear this—every negative emotion that exists is because there is some sense of loss of freedom somewhere in there.
My two cents:
I love this and find it to be true!
I love the idea of everyone doing what they want and experiencing the freedom of that. Feeling free is where it is at as far as I am concerned. I agree that every negative emotion exists because of a percived loss of freedom, or that you will not get what you desire. Think about it for a minute. Think back to the last time you felt let down, taken advantage off or jealous and tell me what was at the root of those feelings.
I posted this thought in the Defy the Box group on Facebook and people really got triggered by it. I heard lots of stories around how people are only out for themselves, and no one really thinks about other people, and advocating being selfish just fuels that problem. Or you can not trust your own ego to be leading you in the right direction so you should not do what you want to begin with. You will end up hurting yourself and other people.
To me, being selfish does not mean that I get what I want and I do not care about you, but rather I know it is my job to take care of my needs and desires, just like it is your job to do that for yourself. When people are empowered to be responsible for their own feelings and experiences in life, they do not look to others to make them happy or to give them what they need, they take care of those things themselves. It sets you up to look to yourself for solutions and answers. After all, you are the only one who knows what is right for you.
I find that there are many people who have this idea backwards. they look to others to fulfill their needs, and tend to take care of others before themselves.
There is a reason that they tell you on the air plane to put your Oxygen mask on before you put on someone else’s.
Any one have any thoughts on this?
