Archive for self doubt
What Will You Choose?
Posted by: | CommentsWhen was the last time you gave yourself permission to choose something different in your life?
The past few days have been really intense. I’ve been feeling unsettled and questioning a lot of things in my life. I’ve been asking myself the question- Am I really happy, or am I just pretending to be?
If I’m honest, I have to say that my life has not been feeling all that Kick-Ass lately. Admitting that makes me feel like a bit of a fraud, since I’m supposed to be the one teaching you how to create a Kick-Ass Life for yourself. Part of me feels like I always need to be on top of my game and a shining example of what a Kick-Ass Life looks like. I’m supposed to be positive, inspired and totally rocking it out all the time.
That is so not my reality sometimes!
Sometimes my life feels really difficult. I go through rough spots just like you, where I doubt myself and my choices. Things don’t turn out the way I plan, and I have to deal with the disappointment of it. I put pressure on myself to achieve so much, and it can be exhausting to keep up with it all.
Can you relate to any of that?
When I start feeling this way I always bring it back to the basics. I ask myself –
“How do you want to feel in your life?”
“What would be better?”
I entertain the idea of giving it all up and doing something completely different.
I do this to remind myself that I get choose what I want in my life. I’m not a victim, and nothing is happening to me. I am the source of my experience and I am in a place of choice in every moment.
I make my choices and I move forward. I re-align with the things I want in my life.
Then everything starts to feel better.
What do you do when life gets difficult? Share your comments below!
The Problems of a Powerful Woman
Posted by: | CommentsIt can be tough to be a powerful woman. From the time you are small people try to reign you in and force you into the box of a well behaved girl. We adjust our behavior in order to get by. This manifests in a number of different ways, but ultimately it hinders your ability to fully access your power and live your Kick-Ass Life.
Fighting for your Right
Even as a child I recognized my power. I knew what I wanted and I was not afraid to go out and get it for myself, but this caused problems for me. My parents didn’t know what to do with such a powerful girl child, and tried to control me. I was always questioned about what I was doing, made wrong for my choices, and reigned in. They tried so hard to fit me into the box that they thought a perfect young lady should be in.
I fought for my right to be me. I was punished a lot as a teenager for talking back and standing my ground. The end result was that I built a giant fortress around my heart and I fiercely protected my kingdom and my right to create it as I wished. I lived in this fortress for a long time, but eventually I had to tear down the walls so that I could fully experience the life that I wanted to lead. Living inside of a fortress can be pretty confining. I was ready to expand into the fullness of my being and in order to do that, I needed to be free.
Surrendering & Hiding
One of my super star clients responded to being put in a box in a different way. When she was small, she was constantly faced with questions about what she was doing, and why. She hated having to explain herself because she was often made wrong, so she reigned in her power and tried to hide it. She followed the path of least resistance and learned how to be what people expected her to be. She wanted people to like her and didn’t want to explain herself. She ended up feeling unsatisfied and disconnected from who she was.
Then one day she discovered that doing this no longer worked for her. She was so innately powerful that it shimmered through regardless of how she tried to hide it. People couldn’t help but notice it. She decided to stop hiding, and stepped fully out into her truth. What a beautiful thing to witness! Now she easily rules her world and creates it to reflect all that she is.
I see other clients respond to people trying to rein them in by being defensive, doubting themselves, and shutting down. It seems like the options are fighting for your right to be you, or surrendering and hiding who you really are. Either way, it is tough to live like that.
If you want to fully embrace your power you need to recognize these patterns in your life so that you can let them go. I can help you if you like. Click here to set up a Kick-Ass Consultation to identify what holds you back and how you can break free.
How to Create a Kick-Ass Life-Part 2
Posted by: | CommentsGetting Up Close and Personal with YOU
(This is the second installment of How to Create a Kick-Ass Life.)
A common problem for a non-conforming soul is that you lose touch with your inner guidance and you end up feeling a bit lost and full of self doubt.
I think this happens because for most of your life you are marching to the beat of a different drummer, and everyone around you keeps telling you that YOU are out of sync.
It starts when you are a child, doing your own thing, and your parents want to mold you into their idea of a good child. They told you to quiet down, stop being so silly and to try harder. You are taught to follow their rules and behave in a certain way. This is also when you are taught to ignore how you feel and to do what you’re told so that things will be peaceful.
Then Things Get Worse
This only gets worse as you grow older. You go to school and there are more rules to follow, but now you have to deal with the other kids. There’s a lot of pressure to fit in so that you will be included. There is nothing worse than being picked last for kick-ball or to have to sit by yourself for lunch every day!
It is really easy to begin to make yourself wrong for being different, or to try to force yourself into the box so that you will fit in. You learn to play the game so that you will be included or you don’t even try and you become the mysterious lone ‘lone wolf’ who is always off by themselves.
That was the route that I chose. I did my own thing, but I spent a lot of my time feeling like there was something wrong with me and resenting the hell out of the popular kids. It was tough. I was often made wrong for being different, and this made me doubt myself and not trust my instincts. It made me feel like I didn’t know what was best for me.
Enter Adulthood
We carry this behavior into adulthood. Society has so many ideas and expectations around what you need to do in order to be as a successful adult, and what a meaningful life looks like.
Most people are doing the exact same thing with their lives -go to school, get a ‘real’ job, get married, have kids, work hard to provide for your family, save for your future, and then when you retire you can pursue your dreams.
On a day to day basis it becomes one big miserable grind. It’s the same-old-thing day in and day out.
The end result is that you begin to tune out and go into survival mode. Next thing you know, you’re stuck in a gigantic rut and you can’t see any way out of it.
This is no way to live!! I existed in that place for too many years before I broke free.
The way Out
The way out of this big, frustrating rut, is to reconnect with yourself and start listening to the beat of your own drummer again. It’s still there underneath everything else. You just forgot how to hear it.
The reality is that you are the only one who knows exactly what you need to feel totally alive, living life full out, on fire and deeply satisfied. Everything you need to know is right there inside of you, you just need to learn how tune into it.
If you want to create a Kick-Ass Life you need to learn how to tune into this inner wisdom so you can confidently identify what you need in order to custom design your life to fit you perfectly.
In order to do this you will need to get to know yourself on a much deeper level so that you know your preferences, what works, and what you need to feel deeply satisfied.
A New Set of Skills
This is a new set of skills for many people.
That is why we will spend 4 weeks exploring different ways to know yourself better in the second module of the group program Create Your Kick-Ass Life in 2011.
Do you want help getting to know yourself better?
If you want to work on getting to know yourself better so that you can use this information to custom design your life to fit you perfectly, sign up for Create Your Kick-Ass Life in 2011.
http://www.defythebox.com/create-your-kick-ass-life-in-2011/
We will be getting under way on Monday, February 7th. This year long program will give you all the tools, guidance and support that you need to create your kick-ass life.
Do you ever doubt that you are on the right path?
Posted by: | CommentsRecently, I was having a conversation with someone around this very
subject. He was wondering if he was on the right path because he
was not getting the business that he needed to keep moving forward.
His business had dropped off significantly over the past few years
due to the economy and other trends in his field. He’s been living
off his savings lately and was considering going out and getting
another job, but he did not want to. He loves his work and the idea
of giving it up and doing something else was painful.
We talked about his situation for awhile, and it became very clear
that he was doing exactly what he is meant to be doing, but his
fear and doubt were stopping him from putting himself out there in
bold new ways in order to attract business.
His energy was used up by questioning his self worth and he did
not trust in his ability to make it work. As things got tougher and
tougher, the fearful voice in his head got louder and his
self-doubt grew. Every unsuccessful offer became an opportunity for
that voice to say:”I told you so.”
Have you ever felt that way?
I sure have!
I have stood chest deep in my fear around not making enough money,
and no one wanting what I am offering. My fear drained my energy
and caused me to make a bunch of half-assed attempts to offer my
services. I was so afraid of being rejected; I did not really even
try to put myself out there. Of course no one hired me, and I could
hear my fear whispering in my ear: “I told you so”.
So what did I do?
I learned how to kick-fears ass so that it no longer has power over me.
I learned how to acknowledge, explore and replace my fear with thoughts about what I wanted in my life.
You can read more about how I did this in this blog post.
Once I did this, I was able to own that I was on the right path and
I was 100% committed to making it work. I began to show up fully in
my business and it became much easier to stretch myself and try new
things to stand out from the crowd. Failure is not an option for me.
My questions to your are:
What would be possible if fear was not controlling you anymore?
What would you try?
How would you show up in your business and your life?
Share your answers in the comments below!
Is Fear Holding You Back? Here’s a Solution!
Posted by: | Comments
I am proud to announce that The 3 Steps to Kicking Fears Ass is ready!
Woo-hoo! High Five!
This e-book is my solution for you if you are finding yourself tripped up by fear when you are going after your kick-as dream life.
I created this e-book because fear is hands down the biggest obstacle that I see for my clients. It is often disguised as something else like; self-doubt, worry, overwhelm, anxiety, or confusion. When you dig down into it you discover that it is really fear lurking about trying to protect you by keeping you small.
The question is: How do you move past it?
I lay out my three steps for doing this in the e-book.
Here is a preview:
1. Acknowledge your fear and call it out for what it is. Fear feels bad, so our tendency is to ignore it, call it something else, or blame something outside of ourselves for it. You don’t want to own it because it makes you feel vulnerable and you don’t want to deal with it. Trust me, ignoring it is not helping any. Acknowledge and own it, then you will be better positioned to deal with it. (Ok….I have to acknowledge that sometimes fear can be exciting and thrilling….but then it really isn’t a problem, is it?)
2. Explore your fear and shine the light of awareness on it. Know what you are dealing with. Go deep into it. In most cases, you fear only has power over you because it is unexamined. In many cases it is based on something that falls apart when you look closely at it. In other cases, it is something that goes much deeper than you originally thought. You need to identify exactly what you are afraid of to effectively move past it.
3. Replace the fear with thoughts about what you really want. Now that you know what you are dealing with and are feeling more empowered, it is important to shift your focus onto what you want so the fear gets muscled out of the way. You are the boss of your thoughts. Focus on how freakin’ awesome it is going to feel to be living the life that your fear is trying to keep you from. Amplify that energy every day. Next thing you know you will be living that life for real.
Now in the e-book there is plenty of discussion around fear and how to work each of these steps to move past it. There are questions that you can ask yourself to help get to the heart of the matter and I share the same tools with you that I offer my private clients. I have seen amazing results in my own life and with my clients with this process.
If The 3 Steps to Kicking Fear’s Ass is just what you have been waiting for, go snatch up your copy now. I have it listed at an introductory low price that will go up on September 25. Click here to get your copy now!
