Archive for true happiness
The Rock
Posted by: | CommentsThis post was originally a guest post done for my friend Fiona at http://www.yearinamerica.net
Back in the day, I was part of a really cool woman’s mystery school and leadership program called the Priestess Path Apprenticeship. This program was truly amazing and opened the way for deep personal growth. This group of 24 women gathered together once a month and spent time in circle exploring many mystical practices and initiations aimed at making us confront our fear and inner-demons in order to know ourselves better. It was very powerful work.
One of the things we did was called the Quest. Each of us was lead on a journey down a dark path through an unknown forest. There were many stops along the way designed to challenge you and make you think. At one stop you were asked how heavy your past emotional baggage weighed on you. Then you were given a big rock to carry with you along the path to represent your baggage.
Let me tell you that carrying that rock sucked! It was awkward and took so much energy. It weighed me down. At each new stop along the trail it became more and more irritating. The longer I carried it, the heavier it became and the more I focused on it. I was not able to enjoy the cool stuff I was coming across along the path because I was so focused on carrying the rock and how much it sucked. The rock became the focus of everything.
Finally, I got fed up and decide to throw the rock off into the woods. Boy what a relief. I felt free. The Quest was fun again. I wondered why I did not ditch the rock sooner.
Interesting enough, I was the only one who chose to ditch their rock. Everyone else kept lugging the thing along until they came to a stop where someone else relived them of it. It never occurred to them that they might have a choice in the matter.
I wonder how many of you are carrying around a Rock of your own without giving thought to the idea that you have a choice in the matter.
There is always a choice.
Choose to let it go and focus on what feels good to you right now.
Choose to enjoy the adventure.
Ditch the Rock!
What Are Your Emotions Telling You???
Posted by: | CommentsLately, I have been talking about Hedonism and how important it is to seek out what feels good to you. This is important work because your emotions are a sure fire way to tell if you are in alignment with all the juicy goodness that is just waiting for you to discover it.
Your emotions are the part of you that is connected to your super deluxe navigation system. It is super deluxe because it is always honing in on what will bring you the most happiness, fun and meaning into your life. This system has an amazing big picture perspective and can clearly see the juicy goodness even when you can’t.
It communicates with you through your emotions. When you are on course, you feel good. You may feel happy, inspired, excited, or interested. The more you focus and think about these good feelings, the farther down the path of juicy goodness you will travel.
When you are veering off course you feel bad. You may become irritated, jealous, frustrated, or angry. The farther of course you veer, the more intense the emotions and the more likely you are to start manifesting negative experiences to go along with and validate the bad feelings. Life will start to suck. This is a clear indicator that you are way out of alignment and totally off course.
I want to add this in: It is not your job to control or change your emotions. All you need to do is learn how to tune into how you feel. Let your emotions guide you along and show you the way to a life that totally Rocks!
Why All This Sex Talk ?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you have been following Defy the Box radio, you will see that sex and sexuality is a big topic for discussion there right now.A few folks have been asking why I feel it is important to talk about this in the context of my business.
This is the basis of what I am hearing: “Isn’t sexuality a bit personal??? You are not supposed to bring it into your business! It gives the wrong impression!”
This is exactly WHY I find it important to talk about sexuality.
In my mind, sex and sexuality are the one of the main areas where people are confined by their pre-packaged beliefs and stories around what is “right and wrong” and “good and bad”. It is topic that can easily create low vibrational feelings of doubt, shame,fear and guilt. When the reality is, when I am fully accepting and embracing my sexuality, it leads to the most amazing feelings of joy,bliss and expansion that I have ever known. To me there is lots of personal power there.
I remember when I was about 8 years old. I was just begining to really discover my body and how good it could make me feel. My family was not religious, but I liked to go to church with my friend and sing during the service with her. I remember one sermon in particular that said that the feelings I was having in my body were evil and bad and I should not touch myself or even think about that. I could not believe what I was hearing ! It was confusing and scary. I did not want to be evil, but I also somehow knew in my heart that my natural feeling were OK. So I did not let that stop me from enjoying myself.
For many people, this is not the case. They begin to doubt themselves and their natural feelings and urges, and make themselves wrong for having them.In my mind, this is one of the worse things you can do. You are basically tuning out your inner-guidance system…or as I like to say..you are tuning out your Inner-Freak. You begin to ignore the part of you that knows what feels good to you, and what will bring you the most joy and bliss. This does not only apply to your sexuality, it applies to all areas of your life. Your Inner-Freak knows what makes you special and unique in all areas of your life. It is what makes you stand out from the crowd in all your brilliant juicy goodness. It is where your true magic and power lies. Once you begin to shut it out, you lose touch with it and it gets harder and harder to access.
I also find that when you are constantly ignoring your desires and making them wrong,weather we are talking about a sexual desire or a desire for something in your life, it makes you feel bad about yourself. Like there is some dirty little secret that must stay hidden no matter what the cost. This takes up so much energy that could be used for something else, like creating a life that ROCKS!
Let me assure you, that most people have something about themselves that they feel needs to stay hidden because it is so flawed that no one will want them after they see it. I am quit certain that if you feel good about it, then you will attract other folks who feel good about it too. if you feel bad and shameful about it, you will attract other folks who will make you feel bad and shameful about it too.
Its your world. You attract people and things into it based on your feelings and thoughts about things. If you fully embrace and feel good about who you are and what you desire, then you will attract people and things that reflect that back to you.
If you embrace and accept your Inner-Freak, you will find your true magic and power!
If you are curious to explore authentic sexuality, Join us on Tuesday night, 8/25, at 9 PM EST on Defy the Box radio. My guest is Kali from the Kink Academy and we will be discussing the importance of embracing all parts of your kinky bad-ass self. http://www.DefytheBox.com/defy-the-box-radio
It’s all about me….no really!
Posted by: | CommentsI was listening to a friend complain about her relationship the other day. She was unhappy with her partner and how they were communicating. Her complaining about him is nothing new. She wants him to behave differently, blames him for their problems and likes to make him wrong. Every time I see her it is more of the same thing.
It sounds just like me 5 years ago.
I used to be a professional at blaming my partner for everything that was going wrong in our relationship.When it came down to it, everything that he did that made me uncomfortable I declared to be wrong. He needed to communicate more effectively, change the way he did things, and remember to do this or that. I put all the responsibility on him for changing the dynamics of our relationship. I was unhappy and it was his fault.
I was always blaming him and making myself out to be the victim of his personality flaws.
Talk about not taking responsibility for my own happiness!
Then I began to understand how I could apply the concepts of personal responsibility to my relationships.I embraced the idea that I am responsible for my own happiness, and if I am dissatisfied with the way things are, it is up to me to do something different in order to create the change I am looking for. It is my job to shift my perspective, and to clean up any old stories that I am carrying that are getting in my way. My expectations and frustration are all about me and how I think things should be. That does not make them true for anyone else.
Let’s face it, we are all really just doing our best and being ourselves. In most cases, no one is purposefully trying to be a jerk, unless that is what you expect from them. (When you cast someone into that roll, and you expect nothing less, then that is what you get.)
I guarantee that when you are having an issue with someone’s behavior, it is really all about you.
The best way to change things is to identify your own role in it.
What exactly is making you upset?
What can you do differently to create the results you are looking for?
What old story do you need to let go of?
How can you accept your partner for who they are, perceived flaws and all, and learn to interact with that person, rather than trying to force them to be who you think they should be ?
I am going to honest with you; it takes courage and determination to fully embrace the idea of personal responsibility. Changing you behavior can be hard work. You have to pay attention to what you’re doing and saying. You often end up having to deal with old stuff that you would rather forget about. In my experience it is worth it. My life and relationships have changed dramatically for the better. It also puts your happiness back into your own hands. That in itself is worth it.
Are you willing to take this on?
Try it out and let me know what happens.
My Happiness Depends on ME
Posted by: | CommentsTell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.
— Abraham
I love this !
I have been practicing this a lot lately.
I find that it can be challenging in my relationship.
I keep noticing that some of the language I use puts my partner as the cause of my happiness.
Statements such as: You made my day, you are making me very happy, It makes me happy when you________.
I have started shifting it a bit when I catch myself.
I will say: You are greatly adding to my happiness.
I am also noticing that it puts the responsibility to be happy back on me.
Boy does it make things easier for both of us!
